In the "Elefant" cafe, Stirlitz walked in. "This is Stirlitz, a fight is about to begin," said one of the patrons. Stirlitz drank a cup of coffee and left. "No, that's not Stirlitz," objected the second patron. "No, it's Stirlitz!" shouted the first. And then the fight began. Stirlitz walked down the street and looked up. They were the blue eyes of Pastor Schlag. A call to the ambulance: - Ambulance, how can I help you? - My child swallowed a pen! - Okay, we're on our way. - What should I do?! - Write with a pencil for now. They ask Vovochka: - Where will we end up if we drill to the Earth's core? - In a mental hospital. A drug addict killed a nun. He stands over her corpse and says: - You're not so tough, Batman. Two young men are being buried. An eyewitness account: - They argued about who could stick their head out of the tram window the furthest. - And what happened? - The one in the right coffin won. Natasha Rostova comes home from a walk and immediately faces a question: - Natasha, what is that on your face? - I was riding in a boat with Lieutenant Rzhevsky, and a wasp landed on my nose... - And did it bite?! - No, the lieutenant skillfully knocked it off with an oar! Philya stumbled into the studio, tired. Stepushka and Karkusha were eating lard. Philya asked: "Where is our Khryusha?" "He's gone," Karkusha sobbed. A little boy was riding in a tram. He accidentally ran into a conductor. They had a strange conversation: The conductor ended up lying on the tracks...