moderator weapons

Moderator, please, please rename this thread to
All About Moderators. I would be very grateful to you.

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Because I found many poems and other things about moderators.

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every moderator considers their position sacred and is sure that everyone else wants to take it;)>

30 phrases for your arsenal
Dear moderator, are you fed up with the users? Creating piles of their idiotic threads, flooding and hooliganing on the forum? And at the slightest thing they scream "All moderators are !"?
Here are exactly thirty worthy responses to these insignificant lamers when questions arise about the quality of your moderating! No one will dare contradict you!
So here we go:
1 Just deleted it for no reason.
2 Deleted by accident.
3 Pressed the wrong button.
4 Was drunk and fooling around on the site
5 Wanted to annoy someone.
6 My girlfriend left me.
7 I just had a feeling that players were starting to forget who is boss on the site.
8 As a sign of protest against traffic police lawlessness.
9 A girl came over to see me.
10 Had to blow something up/delete something.
11 Don't remember.
12 Was practicing so as not to forget how it's done.
13 Needed to reduce the amount of data in the DB because we are running out of memory.
14 It wasn't me, but a girl who came over to see me.
15 Sorry, some fly bit me.
16 Ilya said so.
17 That's just how circumstances turned out…
18 This is better in terms of site design.
19 My girlfriend asked me to.
20 I had a vision.
21 Wanted to leave a memory of myself.
22 Didn't believe until the end that it was possible.
23 My son thought it was a calculator program.
24 I was curious whether you would notice or not.
25 F%ck, I swear, this is the last time.
26 The ways of the moderator are inscrutable.
27 After spilling beer, only this key works
28 My salary is calculated based on how many times I've done this… Don't be angry, kind people, my wife is hungry at home and the children are unfed…
29 Simply because I have the opportunity, and you don't.

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To those who now sit in ambush
Clutching a ban-hammer in their hands
The forum - having changed all realities
Sings a hymn of praise for you

Day and night these people
Stand at the combat post
They don't even need money
Like Greenpeace, you are for purity!

And to those who burned out in real life
From moderator labors
The Gods will leave a monument
In the size of several posts

For those who are balanced
Psychically stable, only he
Who erases his real nick shall receive
A manual, two-handed ban-hammer

Then you too, just like that
The hand of the gods will reduce to dust
And on the same ruins of intellect
Your names will be written!
offline

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1. The Moderator is always right
2. The Moderator does not flood; he convincingly expresses his point of view.
3. The Moderator does not scratch his head; he considers an important decision.
4. The Moderator does not grimace; he smiles without enthusiasm.
5. The Moderator is not afraid; he acts prudently.
6. The Moderator does not lie; he is a diplomat.
7. The Moderator is not stubborn; he is consistent.
8. The Moderator is not late - important matters detain him.
9. The Moderator does not forget - he simply doesn't clutter his memory with unnecessary information.
10. The Moderator is not cowardly; he just knows that the matter will end in a disaster.
11. The Moderator is not arrogant; he is simply better than many.
12. If the Moderator is wrong, see point 1.
13. Moderator's tears cure cancer, but the Moderator is so cool that he never cries.
14. If the Moderator told you to get lost, consider it a divine revelation.
15. The Moderator invented sex, Japanese poetry, and the Freemasons.
16. In one hour of work, the Moderator's brain consumes energy that would be enough to heat three kindergartens.
17. When the Moderator wants to go somewhere, he doesn't go there; he moves the universe toward himself.
18. The Moderator does not breathe air; air breathes the Moderator.
19. If you see a Moderator, he sees you. If you don't see a Moderator, perhaps you have a few seconds left to live.
20. The Moderator counted to infinity. Twice.
21. On the last page of the Guinness Book of Records, it is stated in small print that all world records belong to the Moderator, and the book simply lists those people who managed to get as close to them as possible.
22. The Moderator is the only person who beat a wall at tennis.
23. The Great Wall of China was built to protect against the Moderator, but the venture failed miserably.
24. Many men have one testicle larger than the other. For the Moderator, EVERY testicle is larger than the other.
25. The Moderator's house has no doors, only walls that he passes through.
26. In reality, the Moderator is ten feet tall, weighs two tons, breathes fire, can eat a hammer and withstand a shotgun blast at point-blank range.
27. The Moderator never reads books. He stares at them until he receives all the information he needs.
28. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the Moderator would win.
29. When Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets angry, he turns into the Moderator.
30. The Moderator does not wear a watch. He decides what time it is himself.
31. The Moderator can lick his elbows. Simultaneously.
32. Good weather in the world is a guarantee for the reproduction of Moderators!

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the moderator is equipped with a plus-launcher. the moderator's plus-launcher is government-issued. if the moderator isn't "plussing," he is either asleep or dead. a moderator cannot stop moderating because the plus-launcher always outweighs everything. when a moderator moderates, it resonates in the conference. if it's loud, then the moderator is good. if it's quiet, he's a bad, unfit>

A moderator can moderate as skillfully and massively as a spammer spams. A skillfully launched "plus" flies at least 30 meters, sinks in to the tip and hangs for a week to a year. Moderators always have a negative opinion.

A powerful moderator can plus for two. A giant moderator (not found in nature) can plus-out a small elephant.

Synchronous moderators are only found in conferences and work in pairs, links, etc., up to a regiment.

Moderators' birthday is Monday. The dose tolerable by a moderator is 250 decibels, or 40 roentgens, or 150 volts, or 4 attacks. It is impossible to drown a moderator in a one-liter jar. Nor in a two-liter one.

A moderator made of reinforced concrete at a scale of 32:1 is the best monument to someone who has been moderated. 200 moderators, glued end-to-end as a solid panel, represent Ulver's nightmare.

A chat moderator like "krovatka" is the only species in the world that sleeps on the job, and his co-moderator, according to belief, is capable of waking up every hour for 15 minutes.

A living moderator differs from an ordinary one by temperature and efficiency.

Hidden moderators moderate without authority, in their own name, by intuition. Their ancestors were very tidy people and the genes give them no peace.

A separate species of rabid moderators does not exist; however, the number of such individuals in any population is 77%. A pink singing moderator, as well as his dancing variety, is encountered mainly in the form of hallucinations.

Almost all chat moderators are disposable, with plastic plus-launchers 9x12 and variable moderation logic. An industrial (in terms of power) moderator still causes disputes among specialists. In particular, his ability to reproduce is questioned, although on iXBT so-called "sleepless moderators" sit in huge numbers in all forums.

The main food for moderators of all types is whatever God provides. Cases of moderators attacking set tables and barbecues in nature have also been described. Moderators generally actually despise each other.

Cases of conflicts between moderators and people are rare; however, on iXBT one should beware the administrator, whose victims become particularly tedious individuals who neglect the rules. The flight speed of such a moderator's "plus" is 340 meters per second; it homes in on nickname and IP, does not fear screams, and always sees the matter through to the end. The complete opposite of him is the serene video system moderator (now inactive), living, as a rule, in thickets of lilies of the valley and forget-me-nots. He is essentially not a moderator, as he spends his whole life asleep, which is why his plus-launcher rusted, forming the sculptural composition "Farewell to Arms." He feeds on alms.

No pronounced hierarchy is observed among moderators, although an administrator can easily annoy a moderator. In case of external threat, a colony of moderators, in a way not yet studied, produces a chief (usually a major) and defends itself under his leadership. After repelling the threat, such a moderator becomes inactive and falls into restorative hibernation.

The period of full maturation of a moderator is two weeks from the moment of activation. A small moderator sits quietly and bears everything calmly.

The main mistake of moderators is "intra-family" disputes, because of which many young moderators who failed to get out die.

A tame moderator is a phenomenon as rare as a footed one, because a moderator can only be tamed with three now-forgotten ancient words.

A domestic moderator is kept wrapped in soft rag material and does not wake up if handled carefully.

In antiquity, moderators served as ornaments on chats; furthermore, moderators adorned any serious public event, and a rare beauty of a two-headed moderator served as the prototype for the current conference administrator on iXBT. And one last thing. If you dress up as a moderator at some carnival - glory, success and great luck in love await you.

*Thread moved by moderator xxx from section aaa to section bbb (absence of constructive dialogue, poor fit with section theme).
*Thread moved by moderator yyy from section bbb to section aaa (we don't need other people's shit - we have enough of our own to clear up, who helped!).

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An old woman is walking down the street and sees several people beating one person's face,
she decided to step in:
- What are you doing, hitting a living human being in the face with your fists.
- Go away, grandma, we caught a spammer!
- So why use your hands? You should use your feet, your feet!

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All forum users go through several stages

1. Just registered, want to help everyone, answer questions, try to get positive reviews, earn reputation points and gather about 300-400 messages; in general, you want to stand out from the crowd; by the end of the stage, you start communicating in flood sections.

2. Starts approximately after gathering 400-450 messages; you are already known on the forum, friends appear, you correspond with some via ICQ, you no longer pay attention to the number of messages, the number of reputation points is still an important parameter. You answer only the topics and questions that interest you, trying to make higher quality answers. Most messages are already in flood sections. You try to actively participate in the life of the forum. Some (a few) are appointed as moderators in some sections.

3-a. Third stage of a regular forum user. Occurs after 1000 messages. You communicate mainly in flood sections; in thematic sections, you answer only the most interesting topics and questions. You don't give a damn about reputation and messages anymore. Some users almost stop communicating even in flood sections, posting only in the most interesting threads.

3-b. Third stage of a regular user-moderator. Occurs after being appointed as a moderator for a section. First stage "double two," you answer questions in the assigned section again, want to earn more reputation points and a few hundred more messages, want to make the section you were appointed to better (add links to literature, create rules). Oh, almost forgot, you actively use the punishment system, also often leave reviews for other users (so that those on the first or second stage answer better). In general, you try to make the forum better.

4. The fourth stage exists only for a moderator; it repeats the third stage of an ordinary user and occurs approximately after gathering 2000 messages. You communicate mainly in flood sections; in your own section, you only keep "order," answering very rarely (and even then, only if you are interested yourself or there is no one else).

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i'm walking down the street, i look - on a fence it is written in large letters>
Well and what, you ask? The thing is, it's written exactly like that, with a "#". Moderators have ruined the country, damn it!

It happened.

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year 1003. administrator: i am the provider of all rus'! brothers and>
here we go!

11th century. Greetings to all. Sincerely yours, Cyril and Methodius. There are cool fonts with izhitsa.

13th century. Advertisement on the site: "We invite you on excursions around the Golden Ring of Russia".
Teutonic Knights: Great excursion. Great lakes. Thank you, Alexander Nevsky. On behalf of all knights, Karl and Johan - those who rode in the baggage train with styrofoam.

14th century. Server crashed by Tatar-Mongol hackers. For a long time.

15th century. Ivan the Terrible kills a file with his son. Details on Repin dot ru.

16th century. Advertisement on the site: "Excursions around the Golden Ring of Russia".
Poles: Great excursion. Great swamps. Ate some fly agarics. Krzysztof married the frog princess. Find us via Yandex.

1765. Catherine the Second: Selling a garden plot in North America. 25 million sotkas. Forest nearby, gold, mushrooms, 2 oceans.

Year 1770. Prince Potemkin-Tauride: Explicit photos of Catherine the Second. Click here!

Year 1812. Advertisement on the site: "Excursions around the Golden Ring of Russia".
Napoleon: Great excursion. Great weather. Had a blast in Moscow. Thanks for escorting me home.

Year 1825. Chat "Decembrists.ru" moved to an Irkutsk server. See link.

Year 1838. Decembrists: We are back. Kisses to all! Brought cool photos from the katorga.

Year 1875. Popov: Just invented the radio. Caught Europe Plus.

Year 1890. Mendeleev: Just invented vodka. I'm going to sleep.

Year 1917. Soldiers and sailors! Gathering near the Winter Palace to slide on the gates!

Year 1918. Lenin: People, where is the site with BOILING WATER here?
Kaplan to Lenin: Curing the burr with a scare.

Year 1924. Vovan leaves us...

Year 1941. Advertisement on the site. "We invite you on an excursion around the Golden Ring of Russia".

Year 1942. Hitler: Stuck on level 9. Did anyone actually get further?
Stalin to Hitler: Fool! Read the guestbook from the beginning.

Year 1945. Hitler: Read the guestbook from the beginning. Great excursion.
Great people. Thanks for escorting me home. Buying potassium cyanide.
Need it.

Year 1960. Khrushchev: I'll show you Kuzka's mother. Press your boot here.

Year 1985. Gorbachev: Prohibition adopted.

Year 1986. Adopted! I said so!

Year 1987. Does anyone respect me at all?

Year 1998. Berezovsky: I know how to download cool money from "Centralbank dot ru".

June 2003. Valery Gazzaev: Send goals for our national team. Into these goals.

July 2003. Abramovich to Berezovsky: GOING TO London for shopping. Pick up 11 sporty guys to carry bags. Queen of England to Berezovsky: Indeed!

August 2003. Chubais. Got into the site of American power plants. It's simple. Want to pull a prank, click here.

September 2003. Putin for George Bush: "I invite you on an excursion around the Golden Ring of Russia"

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A sysadmin is walking down the street and sees a painter painting over obscene words with red paint.
- Apparently, he works as a moderator...

then malakhov is an undertrained>

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I love it when I bring joy to people.
But there are moments when everything is the opposite:
Someone blurts out a disgusting filth,
Then I sit and think: "What the hell?

Why say what you don't know?
Well okay, you know, then why distort it?
For you offend us both with your words,
Since you cannot take them back."

They will remain like a hum behind the wall,
Which doesn't let one sleep at night.
They will be tied with a tight red ribbon,
Which is so hard to untie.

So, maybe it would have been better to think?
Even once, even twice, but still understand!
To reward with a greedy smile - to reconsider,
And if you can't - just stay silent!

Of course, I will always be able to forgive -
For I know that it is not out of malice.
But I will sincerely pity you -
Because soon you will answer "For the Goat"!!!

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poem 1>
If I were a moderator
I would wander the wasteland
And seeing a couple of lines
I'd immediately call it flood

With a firm foot
I would crush all the flooders
I would make them dig
Kill and torment them

I would hang multi-accounters
By their long laces
And they would sing for a long time
About proxies and IPs

............

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The mod came out of the fog,
Took the mouse from his pocket.
I will ban, I will beat,
I won't let anyone flood.

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i am not beethoven and i am not rembrandt>
I have a talent of another order -
To ban with a smile, to ban in tears,
To ban in a suit, to ban in underwear,
To ban for cause, to ban for nothing,
To ban like a smart man and like a fool,
To ban upon waking, to ban after a hangover,
To ban cruelly and to ban for fun,
To ban with a pinky, to ban with a foot,
To ban with the right and with the left hand,
To ban at night, to ban in the morning,
To ban under shouts of SAX and HURRAH!
To ban teenagers, to ban grandfathers,
To ban friends and to ban enemies,
To ban without asking, to ban on a tip,
To ban for free and to ban without change,
To ban guys, to ban girls,
To ban like a knight and like a p###k
To ban for a month, to ban for a day,
To ban with desire and when lazy,
To ban seriously, to ban slightly,
To ban both the smart and the fool,
To ban with fuss, to ban silently,
To ban with potatoes, to ban with onion,
To ban with mockery and with regret,
To ban quickly, to ban with zeal
To ban absurdly, to ban logically,
To ban shamelessly, to ban decently,
To ban the cheerful and to ban the serious,
To ban those with colds, to ban those with flu,
Though I am not Beethoven nor Van Gogh
There is a use for me in this world

a malicious mod observes>
You from afar.
He noticed three letters,
His hand tensed up.
He will delete the message
And without a shadow of regret
Will slap on a ban for a whole month.
He himself, satisfied, will go to sleep
But our people do not slumber!
For there will be no joy in the heart,
If you don't write some filth!
****
The evil and scary moderator
Loves small children.
Loves mutes for a week.
Yes, that's what a villain I am.
Yes, I can be very harsh.
Yes, I can be wrong.
And I will give you all mutes
The moderator is always right

And then write to support
Accuse me there.
Forbid me from communicating,
Even from opening the forum.
Since they don't pay me a salary
And therefore I don't give a damn

The forum will rot under flood.
From advertising and from lies.
And then to call for help
You will want me.
I will tell you
Go to h..ll
Everyone leave me alone!

So don't whine
And endure my power
For as long as I am beside you
The forum will prosper

There is a moderator above me –
My judge and master!
He, like a great procurator,
And I am his bad hero.
And so I throw my "pearls" at him,
To soften the sentence for myself,
But he is smart and independent
And to grasp all my secrets
It takes no effort for him.
The flight of naive slogans
He reads a hundred times a day
And can name all the quotes.
And I tell him about the universe,
About silence, about the heart's sadness,
But he knows the wisest messages
All these by heart.
"So it is you who agitates the people?"
He says to me. To him: "You said it yourself..."
"So you play with the law?"
And he deleted, and he punished!
And now I write lines
Only alone with myself.
The bad hero is already on Golgotha.
And the moderator is on a horse!

,,No,, to flood, swearing, insults
Told us the moderator,
What a pity!
We sit, turning blue from frustration
Trembling before the monitor
Oh, moderator!!!
Have mercy!
Eloquence was given to us by God,
Allow us to flood a little!

Tell me, dev!! To me... Not for nothing?
Stepnina, infected with a ban
Given over to abuse?
Would there be mods!!! Others..
I tell you - oh yes they would!!
Not in vain do I remember even now
The Help of every mod.
Yes... there were people in our time
Not like the current tribe
Bogatyrs.. not You
A bad lot fell to us
They left the mods - their will

As the prophetic admin now gathers
To clear all forum branches;
Posts and comments, off-topic and flood
The admin's eye, oh so accurate,

His retinue is the army of moderators,
Law and order are known to them,
Some are happy here, some don't care,
And some curse them in verse!

In a dark room only a dim nightlight,
And the tapping of fingers on keys,
A malicious and stinging post penetrated the forum,
O gods, a scream, swearing, what next?

And so into the expanse of the internet network,
Like sunlight penetrates,
The moderator, who did not stray from the path,
He imposes the ban correctly!

Let him be harsh or wrong sometimes,
Nothing worldly is foreign to him,
To understand and forgive a moderator's nature,
Sometimes, also, after all, is necessary!

The day begins,
The Moderator wakes up,
Overcoming laziness,
He goes to work.

Comes home from work:
Tired, in labors...
Glanced at the sprats,
Tasted them in a hurry.

Sat at the monitor,
With a habitual movement,
Starts the work
With great inspiration!

We do not value, comrades
His work!
Express gratitude
Do not forget him!
Were it not for the will of the devs
They would not have given power
To those mods who, unafraid of shame
Knowing no reproach of conscience
Reign over the sinful – over us
Powerless before the "gods".