Sacred Haven of Debauchery

So, the point is, I didn't write "love" for no reason; it's in quotes.

Because it wasn't love at all, but rather a form of self-training, haha.
Well, I was thinking, all the boys were bragging about who they loved in class (it wasn't considered shameful anymore, but rather a sign of being part of an elite group), and I was the only loser who didn't love anyone. That's wrong! You can't do that. So, I decided to love Kristina. She's smart – she wrote a book, collects dog figurines (like my mom! And I love them too), and I'll be somewhat special because no one else loves her. So, I did it, haha.
In short, I forced myself to develop some kind of attachment and longing for her, which lasted for several years, lol.
And then the longing just disappeared when I started to get a little smarter in that regard, and I stopped caring what my classmates thought about my personal life, and at some point, I admitted to myself that I never loved her.

Added 2 minutes later

This person's life is a mess, and they're sitting here, feeling sorry for others.

No, nothing's wrong, she's fine.
By the way, at graduation, she said she would never get married, haha. I remember my friend arguing with her, saying that he would be the one baptizing her children, and she was talking nonsense.
And I sat there silently, also thinking (but afraid to say it) that I, too, would never have children.
And I've given up on being childfree now