death and destruction, degradation and entropy, the relentless winds of time.

On the other hand, it feels a bit dull, sticky, and very much like self-hypnosis, but the excuse is so good, and the best thing about it is that it's not an excuse at all, but a perfectly real reason, even if it looks like an excuse.

Only a psychiatrist can give you a diagnosis. After a long and open conversation, which will also involve taking a long test and answering all the questions honestly. Until then, all of this is just self-hypnosis, or rather, just excuses.