Contest

Ahem... Elf!

I am a great, canonical elf
I have a ridiculously high level
I am a master of the bow
I punish demons anally
I kill them everywhere and always
I bring salvation to the common people
I protect the forest from horned bastards
From arrogant paladins and shaggy assholes
And if you are in trouble
Call me, I will come in an instant
I will save you, your wife, your children, and your mother-in-law
Without asking for a reward, I will return to the grove.