Buy yourself a robot cat. It doesn't shed, you don't even need to feed it, and you don't have to change its litter box.
But what's the point if you can buy a real Sphynx cat? Besides, you've seen in the photo how skinny I am, and in fifth grade I was chubby, and all the parents' acquaintances can't forgive me for losing weight, and with a Sphynx cat, the situation would be like this: "Vanya, you're so skinny... Poor cat, why is it so skinny, don't you feed it at all?"
