Taking advantage of another visit by Zadornov to Riga, we asked Mikhail Nikolaevich to comment on the situation of recent months: the systematic destruction of Russian schools, high school students' trip to Strasbourg, schoolchildren's meeting with Putin, and the ambiguous reaction of Latvian officials to all this. If you add Slivenko's case and the authorities' obvious unwillingness to follow European Court rulings, the endless persecution of military pensioners, the opening of a memorial to SS men...

The picture emerging is bleak and tense. What should Russians in Latvia do and who is to blame? Are they themselves to blame?

Well, Zadornov immediately gave an absolutely unexpected and paradoxical interpretation of events. He spoke not as a writer and satirist, but perhaps as a shock therapist.

THUMBTACKS UNDER THE BUTT

For the most part, Russians should thank the Latvian authorities for creating all the conditions for the development of Russians in Latvia. Traditionally, Jews were considered the most adaptable survivors in the world. They were always more developed than others because they were used to surviving in difficult conditions.

Once, it was precisely Jews of Soviet stock who moved to New York and invented a way to send letters to Russia without stamps. To save on stamps, they swap the recipient's and sender's addresses on the envelope. Stupid Americans take these envelopes at the post office and, according to instructions, send them "back" — to Russia. It wouldn't even occur to them that such a thing could be devised.

If Jews have a wonderfully developed ability to calculate how to survive, then Russians have excellent intuition. It has been noticed worldwide: if a Russian business merges with a Jewish one, no other business nearby stands a chance. So now in the Baltic states, almost as if by design, conditions have been created for Russians similar to those that once helped Jews adapt. Today, in terms of persecution, Russians are first among the former USSR republics, and Jews are already second. Consequently, we will soon overtake the Jews in our development.

I have always said that Russians have a lot of energy, good intuition, brains, and ingenuity, but all of this lacks a vector. Because Russians are lazy and derive pleasure primarily from pleasure itself, not from work, like, say, the Chinese or those same Latvians who love to work. In modern conditions, a lazy Russian simply will not survive. This means that Russian vectorless energy must acquire a vector.

Not only in the Baltics, but in all former Soviet republics, Russians have begun to develop very quickly. Many Russians in Latvia are significantly more developed than even those in Russia. For which, again, big thanks to the Latvian authorities: the more you squeeze us ~ the smarter, more purposeful, and more hardworking we will become.

The untranslatable "nedoperepil"

Paradoxically, by doing everything for the development of Russians, the Latvian authorities have done everything to prevent the development of their own people: they joined the EU and cut the people off from the land. Yet the Latvian people are talented primarily in combination with their land. Latvian agriculture was famous for centuries. Now, a people talented in farming is forced to degenerate into bureaucracy. Every society has its nationalists and its Zhirinovskys, who became famous for the rudeness they express. There are such people in Latvia too. I think the first thing that guides them (although they themselves may not realize it) is an insane envy of the Russian language. Because the Russian language, unlike many languages, is extraordinarily rich in its suffixes, prefixes, and the ability to express a multitude of shades of feeling.

For example, the English "I love you" is a transmission of information, and the words cannot be swapped. But in the phrase "Я тебя люблю," you can rearrange the words however you like — expressing different shades of your feelings. And just try translating the word "недоперепил" into English!

Therefore, envious officials really want to do some kind of nastiness to the Russian language and, naturally, to Russia. Similar to how a repeating student takes revenge on an A-student by sliding a thumbtack under their butt. All these petty nastinesses toward Russia are those same thumbtacks. But today's Russia is such a powerful country that it won't even notice this slid "THUMBTACK" with its "armored butt."

A ban on Lukomorye?

Many in Latvia think that over there, in Russia, everyone is very upset about these "thumbtacks." Well, I must note, that is not the case. In Russia, most people already believe that the capital of Latvia is Jurmala, because all the popular festivals shown on TV take place in Jurmala. In reality, Russia doesn't even know what's happening in Latvia. The fact that Putin received Latvian schoolchildren is told to me in Riga, not in Moscow. In Russia, such things often go unnoticed. Because many simply try to push the Baltic states out of their heads so as not to think about unpleasant things.

Of course, Latvian nationalist officials will not rest and will go further. They might even come up with teaching Pushkin and Tolstoy to Russian children in Latvian translation. Please do! But first, let them try to translate the word "Лукоморье." It will be hard for them because even "tights" in Latvian are "stocking-pants," and vodka is "fire wine." In this regard, I think that very soon Russian children will start reading Russian literature with pleasure. Because as soon as you forbid a Russian child something, they instantly show an extraordinary interest in the forbidden fruit. I myself loved reading "adult" Maupassant and looking at Rubens' paintings as a child. We were forbidden from reading "A Hero of Our Time" until eighth grade, so I discovered it already in sixth...

So Russian culture and language will not disappear. More and more drama studios will be created where Russian children will come to act and watch Russian classics. For example, I have a desire to personally lead some theater studio in Riga, put on plays, and give lectures on history and literature for those interested.

China steps ahead

Today, the program of all Western countries has glitched. Spirituality is lost, and they live without thinking about the future, only for one thing — money. The only country whose program hasn't glitched is China. Because the Chinese crossed nothing out; they took the best from Marx and Lenin, as well as Ford and Rockefeller ~ and combined it all on the basis of Confucianism. China has great prospects. Their program cannot be glitched. Even if we assume that America defeats them and every single American moves to China, in about 15 years... Americans will become Chinese. A country with very powerful energy. Gradually, the center of spiritual development for the entire planet will shift to Asia, because that is where spirituality is preserved. The West today walks incorrectly, breathes incorrectly, and thinks incorrectly. If there are people left on Earth who do this correctly ~ they are in the East.

In second place after China, I would put Russia. Russia, like China, is beginning to find itself and restore its glitched program. Of course, its economic revival will also begin.

A new Kama Sutra position

As for the Latvian authorities, they are smart, but not wise. A smart person is one who knows a lot, while a wise person is one who understands what he knows. The Latvian authorities have enough smarts to take a loan from the West and join the EU. But they cannot understand that this loan is only 300 million dollars, while Russia sends 250 million dollars to banks every month. And if the Latvian authorities didn't act arrogant, didn't slide "thumbtacks under the butt" of Russia, but instead established friendship and proper monetary flows, it would be significantly more profitable for them.

Over time, quite soon, in 20-30 years, the world will change. The United States will no longer be such a grandiose monster. When two monsters exist on earth, they maintain parity and, accordingly, support each other. Now the USA is the only monster, and therefore they will quickly fall apart. America today is like Tartuffe, who considers sycophants his friends. In a couple of decades, the end of the play about Tartuffe will inevitably be played out there. The first to betray them will be the Baltic states, Bulgaria, Hungary, Poland — all those who supported America in the war with Iraq.

By the way, have you heard that the positions the Baltics took toward the USA are already being entered into the Kama Sutra? These are original positions; there were no such ones in the Kama Sutra before.

Of course, many Latvians, as always, will be offended with me over America, because the USA today is practically their government. But when I talk about a "butt," I involuntarily remember America. Because in every American action movie, the heroes shout: "Let's save our own butts!" Russians say it differently: "Save one's life." Therefore, by sliding thumbtacks under our butts, Latvians confuse us with Americans.

For money — without an accent

In Latvia today, more and more businessmen understand that a good, proper business is with Russia. We know many such people. Gradually, other businessmen will follow their example.

They will start buying politicians, because politicians are mostly untalented, each having their own price. Corrupt politicians will also begin to understand where whose money is buried. And then a completely different life will begin in Latvia. Politically, the country will be completely independent, and economically it will develop parallel to the developing Russia.

That's when the Latvian authorities will remember the Russian language, despite there being nowhere to learn it. They will try not to forget it because they will be paid money for the language. As is already the case today: you go to an official, he starts the conversation in Latvian. You pay him money — he speaks in Russian. And if you give even more money — then the accent disappears too. One by one, officials will return to their roots: some to their land plots, others to the places where their ancestors were born. Having stopped sliding "thumbtacks" under Russia's butt, Latvia will make friends with Russia and begin a powerful revival as a magnificent agricultural country. And at the same time as a financial country, since it already has a wonderfully constructed financial system.

That is the kind of decent future I envision for Latvia. As for Russians here, they have a few more years left to manage to develop to a world level under the pressure of foolish officials.

Greetings from Sovdepia

Proof that processes are developing normally and we are taking correct spiritual actions is that Slivenko won the country, Putin received Riga schoolchildren, and so on. But the bureaucracy still lives by the old standards of Sovdep education. After all, only a call from the ministry could previously pressure school teachers. Not for discipline, but for a trip to Moscow to see Putin, students are marked as absent. This is a greeting from Sovdepia! The Latvian authorities were raised by the Soviet Union, so they absolutely need some kind of "union" to lead them. Moreover, via calls from above, from the European Union, CIA, NATO...

I want to wish the Latvian officials to rid themselves of envy, fear, and resentment. Because ancient wisdom says: a person led by envy, fear, and resentment inevitably falls ill. Three diseases develop in him ~ psoriasis, gout, and oncology. And no Western medicine cures this. Only the soul.

I sympathize with the Latvian authorities. Their current "thumbtacks under the butt" are absolutely pointless. We will survive anyway; we will develop anyway. No one has ever succeeded in banning Pushkin. We will read him in the Russian language. And put on Russian classics in our Russian drama circles.

The European Union, loved by the Latvian authorities, will begin to actively invite Russian creative troupes for tours. But demonstrations of SS men — unlikely...