Sacred Haven of Debauchery

Glad to see you all here, it seems nothing has changed. At least, not for the better...

How did you, noble gentleman in a white frock coat, end up in such a backwater? Did you come to observe the rustic plebs with their "hands in the manure"? A little excursion through the boondocks for a thrill? So that, upon returning to the palace, you can sip a hundred-year-old wine on an atlas cushion and smoke a pipe by the fireplace, feeling with every cell the luxury of your familiar surroundings?
What do you desire? We have porridge with bran, and we have strong homemade moonshine made from... well, you get the idea.
guys, don't pay attention to Arandor, his simple mind can't process many verbal constructions; he needs something simpler, more primitive.