Fun

Chronicle of De-ratization March 1. A new favorite has appeared in the women's dormitory – a little rat. White. They feed it, pet it; it's completely tame. June 1. It has grown. They don't feed it anymore. It gets food on its own. A tame, cute animal. June 2. I'm going to kill it!.. Minus 12-core measuring cable. June 3. Minus 2 measuring-power leads. Poison obtained. Bait placed in the dormitory under the table. The rest of the food is hidden. June 4. Morning. The bait disappeared. There's a debate about how to find the carcass. Lunch. Strange noises under the false floor. Evening. The animal is suffering and in pain, tormenting everyone with its squeaking. They're calling us sadists. The boss noticed that after poisoning, there's usually thirst... What's he getting at? June 5. Now it's clear. Two rooms are flooded. In the others, the water level is under the false floor. The cooling hoses of one of the units have been completely gnawed through. All three. I wonder, did _it_ drown? June 8. No. It was seen twice during the water removal process. It moves freely through the ventilation system. Thin, energetic, agile. June 9. We put hoses for water and air supply on it, and, just in case, oxygen. We set up twenty rat traps. The introduction of calorie-rich substances into the laboratory area is prohibited. June 10. Nine traps were triggered. The bait was eaten. Empty. We celebrated the arrival of a newcomer. Yesterday's student, cheerful, lazy, full of advice. Who drinks like that? He's not one of us. In short, he's no "Vasya." We call him Petrovich. He says it's correct to pronounce it with an "e." You have to earn the right to pronounce it with an "e." We polished the firing mechanisms of the traps. We made them non-removable. June 11. All of them were triggered. No casualties. Petrovich is wondering if we want to catch it or fatten it up. He's asking. Minus two more measuring cables. June 12. We're sealing the cable channels between rooms. We're putting grates on the ventilation. The main thing is to drive it out of the experimental rooms. June 15. The goal has been achieved – the audio contact is clearly localized in the offices under the floor. June 16. The computer lost its video cable. In the presence of its owner. During the chase, three Dewar flasks of nitrogen were poured into the hole. Water pipes were thawed. Petrovich glanced at the clouds of cold fog. He's laughing. Is he our enemy or what? June 17. We studied the geometry of the underground space. We thought. June 19. A plasma formation generator was created. It produces stable clots capable of autonomous existence for hours. In short, a ball lightning with a 0.3-gram TNT equivalent. According to calculations, it should be directed at a dielectric material like wool. June 21. A stable generation mode has been established. The first ball went under the floor... The second... The third... On the sixteenth, a crackle of the first discharge was noted; there's noise under the floor – did we hit it? The twentieth... A crackle of a short circuit in the next room. Swearing. A weak shock wave brought the smell of burnt wool. Did we get it? No, but we'll have to chip in for a wig for Petrovich. He's looking like a beast. He won't show us any mercy. But who knew there was an unaccounted-for hole somewhere? Evening. The three-hundredth ball. Petrovich is wearing a helmet, a jumpsuit; a hefty steel chain is trailing behind him on the floor. He caught three more charges. The boss is thoughtful. Around him are half a dozen charges in the form of a regular hexagon. June 27. The last thing I remember is receiving an award for the generator. The last thing is that, in a drunken stupor, we sketched out a diagram for directed generation of charges for the buyers. June 28. An entire instrument rack was disabled. We thought. An idea! "Napalm" – it burns, producing only 100-120 degrees of heat, absorbs oxygen, but does not ignite wood or paper. Reagents have been ordered. We'll try it. July 3. At the touch of a button, up to a ton of the product was poured synchronously into all the rooms under the wooden floor. Green flames shot out of the vents like from a marten's den. The beast is finished! July 4. Petrovich gleefully brought three gnawed-through leads. We're looking for holes. There's one! I saw it. Its sides are scorched, it's limping on its hind leg, only a third of its tail remains. I threw a screwdriver. It didn't even flinch. There's fire in its eyes – the fire of jihad. Someone must remain! July 5. I called the boss. We have an inspection commission – for harmful working conditions. We were ordered to meet them. If possible, without casualties. We're preparing. A temporary barrier has been set up in the underground against the main enemy in the form of two stray, hungry cats. July 15. We're ready for the commission. The corridors have a maximally gloomy landscape, dim lighting, and creaking floorboards. In the experimental rooms, infrasound generators are placed – tuned to general mental oppression. Sources of electric fields are placed in places – hair stands on end. A dummy of a mutant ant was made and placed in a jar. A three-liter jar. With alcohol. What sacrifices! Outside the main hall – along the axis of radiation from the experimental installation – the trees are scorched, the leaves are torn off, the grass is burnt, and the remains of small animals are scattered. July 16. The meeting went well. Only one person fainted. The commission signed everything. They even added something, just to leave the building as soon as possible. The cats suffered losses. We were thinking. July 17. There's a solution! A metal "daisy" half a meter in diameter with seven petals. Made of a shape-memory alloy. When heated by 5 degrees, it instantly turns into a ball. We made three dozen. We set them up. Let the warm biological object step inside... July 18. Morning. Deafening screams from Petrovich. Before lunch, we cut the trap off his head. He's stunned, but his gaze speaks for itself. It turned out that, coming in the morning, he saw an incomprehensible object, bent down to look, and breathed on it a couple of times... Help arrived in time. July 19-30. We were celebrating the award for the new alloy. Nevertheless, we need to do something. We're losing initiative. August 1. Morning. 10:40. The capacitor bank is being charged. The integrator shows 2 gigajoules... What?!... 5... 6...! Isn't that too much? August 1. 10:41:02. I look around. Just in time. A thick copper rod is lying on the melting insert of the limiter. With that, you could load all 20. There's a rat's face on the rod. Is that it?! August 1. 10:41:04. The discharge completion sensor triggered. Now there will be an impulse! At 17 gigajoules. Oh my... August 1. 10:41:05. I activated the general alarm, turned on the emitter aiming towards the zenith. I ran to the window. I was lucky – I missed the window frame. Unlike Petrovich. August 1. 10:41:11. I'm running away from the building. I look back. Employees are pouring out of the windows – they're not joking with our alarm anymore. Petrovich jumps out on the second try. Far to the left, the boss flies out. He ejected in the chair from the fighter. So that's what it was for! With half-second pauses, pyropatrons push his safe, filing cabinets, and a ficus far to the side. He's an experienced man. The last thing I remember is the rat's body spread out in a jump against the background of the window. A flash. That's it. August 7. I can see again. Only the box of walls and the foundation remain of the building. The plasma channel, they say, reached the stratosphere. The interference it caused lasted for a day. August 8. Security is taking over. We're going somewhere, signing something... The first investigator is talking about the afterlife, the second – about good health... And so on. Kureva is gone. There's no alcohol. Bad. August 15. We got lucky. We moved into a new building. The boss's preserved drawings were highly valued. By the military. It was enough for everything. Beautiful offices, a network on twisted pair. Unlimited supplies for creating a new installation. We'll be fine! November 1. The first cable was gnawed through...