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I know thirty!
1. A pistol shot to the temple
Time: From fractions of a second up to several minutes if your aim is poor. Availability: Until you manage to get hold of said pistol. Easier for military and police personnel. Reliability: Very, very reliable, provided your hand doesn't shake. Otherwise, the consequences vary widely—from a mild concussion to a slight lobotomy.
Notes: Do not drop your head onto papers you intend to leave behind—they become completely illegible.
2. Throwing yourself under a train
Time: Seconds, or if unlucky, hours. Availability: Anywhere with high-speed railways. Reliability: Depends on your agility and the speed of the train. Be determined to achieve decapitation. Notes: Probably the best way is to lay your neck on the rails, then the train wheel will snap your spine (and cripple you). High-speed trains travel another kilometer or so when braking, so find a sharp turn.
3. Self-immolation
Time: From seconds to days.
Availability: Anywhere you can get gasoline and matches.
Reliability: Reliability is higher the further you are from medical assistance. Notes: Exceptionally painful—one of the most agonizing ways to die. If you survive, your body will remain disfigured for the rest of your days. You could try a mixture of gasoline and explosives like TNT or NG; this will make your burning MUCH faster, even if the explosive is heavily diluted. Using kerosene is quite debatable, as it burns slower—more suffering—but if you've decided to put on an unforgettable show, then this is your method.
4. Starving to death
Time: 40 days, approximately. Depends on health status.
Availability: Anywhere where they cannot force-feed you.
Reliability: Good, as long as there is no medical help and you have the strength to hold out.
Notes: It gets easier after the first couple of days when hunger disappears. Using appetite suppressants can be useful. These include amphetamines and some other medications. However, the problem here is that such drugs are often illegal and not available for over-the-counter sale. I've heard of a drug called Aminorex (4-methylaminorex), which was once prescribed to suppress appetite, but it was discontinued due to fatal side effects... as if that were a problem! After losing about 20% of initial body weight, painful phenomena occur—extremely severe stomach upset, muscle weakness, and worst of all—mental retardation. Morphine may be used to relieve the pain of fatal dehydration.
5. Poison
Time, reliability, and availability depend on the type of poison. For more detailed information, see the corresponding section.
6. Crashing at 150 km/h
Time: Depending on the case—instantaneous. Availability: You need a fast car, a highway, and something very solid, preferably embedded in the ground.
Reliability: So-so. To increase reliability, place a couple of gasoline canisters on the front seat and FASTEN YOUR SEATBELT. Notes: Fasten your belt, otherwise you might simply be thrown from the car. Place gasoline on the front seat or spray it around yourself for complete certainty. You can make it look like an accident.
7. Shotgun
Time: Instantaneous, if you're lucky.
Availability: Not very simple—you need to register to buy a firearm.
Reliability: Extremely reliable.
Notes: The problem is that you make a terrible mess—think about who would agree to scrape a rotting, clotted pile of meat off the carpet? A second problem is that you might simply miss your head and burn your face.
8. Military service
Time: Any military conflict.
Availability: Just go to the nearest recruitment office and sign up as a volunteer.
Reliability: Be a "hero." Survival in combat is about 20 minutes.
Notes: Stupid. I don't think this is a serious suggestion, as only 10 percent of soldiers see the front line and only some see the battle itself. However, you can always join an unofficial army—in other words, become a mercenary. In that case, at least you will participate in combat, thereby greatly expanding your chances of dying. Either way, it doesn't make the method any smarter.
9. Putting pencils up your nose and hitting a table
Time: Seconds or never.
Availability: All you need is a couple of sharply sharpened pencils and a table.
Reliability: Very unreliable.
Notes: I believe this is a myth. Pencils enter the frontal lobes of the brain—this isn't strictly necessary. The legendary "exam suicide." In case you want to start a lobotomy production circle, this method would suit you well.
10. Staging your own murder
Time: Depends on the method used.
Availability: Do you have a psychopath acquaintance? No? Don't burden people...
Reliability: Depends on the method used and the killer's experience.
Notes: Better forget about it. Even if you contract someone to kill you, the chances that you wake up in a hospital with an empty wallet are extremely high. You won't exactly take them to court for taking the money and not doing the job...
11. Turning yourself into a hydrogen bomb
Time: Speed of light multiplied by 1/2 meter (a couple of nanoseconds).
Availability: Nuclear bomb (of any type, for detonation), 10 liters of heavy water.
Reliability: 100%
Notes: An idiotic method. For several days, drink heavy water, strap yourself to the bomb and press the red button. If you accumulate a few liters of heavy water in your body, the additional power should be about 6 megajoules (plus or minus, depending on build). Remember that heavy water itself is a poison and you might not live until the main moment. A thermonuclear reaction in the body is not guaranteed regardless of the amount of water drunk. Although, it's completely irrelevant if you're sitting on a nuclear bomb!
12. Nanomachines
Time: Years or fractions of a second—depending on how you look at it.
Availability: In 50 - 1000 years?
Reliability: Good, assuming technologies continue to develop.
Notes: From the realm of science fiction. Usually, such technology involves using a replicator panel. You go through the machine and it makes a duplicate of you, killing the original source. The duplicate is slightly modified and simplified (but retains the ability to operate the machine). Thus, you gradually turn into a mindless zombie who walks from the machine's exit to its entrance forever. A strange philosophical conclusion, though...
13. Scuba diving
Time: See notes—usually minutes or hours.
Availability: Scuba gear and no one around.
Reliability: See notes.
Notes: The first method is to ascend from a depth of about 30 meters while holding your breath on an inhale, which leads to excess pressure in the lungs; subcutaneous emphysema or lung collapse are possible. Death usually occurs from drowning in one's own blood. Quite painful and treatable if rescued, but if there is no help, death is almost certain.
The second—stay at a depth of 30 meters for about 30 minutes (the time required for nitrogen to dissolve in the blood), then ascend quickly without observing decompression time. This is an unreliable method and can lead to brain or joint lesions, but it will certainly twist you up nicely. You won't feel much, but all your joints will stiffen within an hour. Death is very unlikely, usually from a stroke.
The third path—carbon monoxide poisoning. Fill the tanks with it and dive far from other divers. Very soon you will fall asleep. You might be rescued, but damage will certainly occur.
And the last method—oxygen toxicity. This means you must dive very deep with a mixture containing a high percentage of oxygen, but this is sometimes problematic. The advantage of this method is that insurance companies and relatives will view your act as an accident, unlike CO poisoning. Combining it with the previous method can produce a very interesting effect.
14. Brain suction
Time: Minutes.
Availability: You need a Puma (tm) robot and some other small things...
Reliability: Reliable, provided the program is correctly written.
Notes: You need an industrial robot for proper execution. Attach a saw and a suction nozzle to it and program it. Fix your head in a clamp. Once the head is well-secured, run the program. It will make a hole in your skull and insert the nozzle. Program it so that it moves the nozzle back and forth to ensure everything is sucked out. It's useful to feed a stream of water into the hole so the nozzle doesn't just suck air the whole time. Perhaps such a program would be very amusing to test and debug...
15. Microwaves
Time: Unknown.
Availability: A source of strong microwave radiation.
Reliability: High, if no one removes you.
Notes: Self-baking. The goal is to raise your internal temperature to a lethal level. Finding a source is quite problematic. You could try to dismantle and correctly tune several microwaves. It's also known that standing in front of a Swedish coastal surveillance radar (which uses the same frequency as a regular microwave oven) is STRONGLY NOT RECOMMENDED.
16. Dehydration
Time: A week or so.
Availability: You must ensure there is no medical assistance.
Notes: Do not eat and do not drink. Remember that food contains a high percentage of water. Avoiding medical help can be difficult. See point 4 "Starving to death"
17. An "accident" during a parachute jump
Time: Damn fast, which is pleasant.
Availability: Join a parachute club. Takes a lot of time and (often) money.
Reliability: Fairly reliable. Although people have fallen from great heights and survived. Injuries sustained in the fall are not so light.
Notes: Join a parachute club, continue training for some time to remove all suspicion. Then, one fine day, pack your parachute in complete disorder (preferably with a tied knot, but not too noticeably) and jump. The parachute won't open and you will reach a terminal velocity of 220 km/h. Death occurs instantly upon impact with planet Earth. One of the advantages of this method is the ability to simulate an "accident," so you don't add additional suffering and guilt to your relatives and friends. Just don't forget to remove or ruin the reserve parachute (which isn't that easy).
18. Death by a thousand cuts (modern version)
Time: Various.
Availability: A lot of sharp, thin wires... maybe high voltage.
Reliability: Not very good.
Notes: This is a modern version of the Arabic "death by a thousand cuts." The main thing is to jump onto a mesh of thin sharp wires and roll on it until death occurs. You can apply low-frequency high voltage, which will force your muscles to contract and inflict cuts even if you lose consciousness. Furthermore, you must be sure that you don't roll outside the wires.
19. Crushing
Time: From several seconds to minutes, depending on the press.
Availability: A car press... or an industrial one.
Reliability: Reliable, if you can't run away at the last moment.
Notes: An extremely simple method. Get into the machine, get under the press, and spend some time being flattened to death, turning into a bloody mash. Activating the press can be difficult, but if you hide in the machine beforehand, someone might come and turn it on. There are other ways to be crushed, however, this method seems most effective. I just thought that running across the street in front of a loaded truck is also not a bad option. You should remember that a person often remains alive during compression; death occurs AFTER the weight is removed.
20. World War III
Time: Moments, if you are near an important military base.
Availability: Do you have a red button handy? Maybe you're the president?
Reliability: Fairly reliable.
Notes: All you need to do is start World War III. Launch a couple of rockets at the Chinese or Americans... The advantage of this method is that you won't be alone, and you'll take everyone else with you. The problem lies in the limited number of people who have the necessary authority, and I doubt anyone reading this can do it.
21. Heatstroke
Time: 4 hours or slightly more.
Availability: A very hot day and non-interference from neighbors and other persons.
Reliability: Depends on the weather.
Notes: The main task is to induce a severe heatstroke in yourself. You must spend several hours in the sun. To speed up the process, you can use aluminum foil to direct sunlight toward yourself. Of course, you should start in the morning! It's good when the outside temperature is above 37 degrees.
22. Acid baths
Time: Depends on the acid.
Availability: You need a lot of very strong acid.
Reliability: Quite high.
Notes: Exhausted by the previous method? Take new and improved acid baths. Nearby, there's probably a metalworking plant or an auto service center with wonderful soothing acid baths. Do you love pain that makes your eyes pop out and don't want to bother others cleaning up your remains? Then this is for you! If you don't bother to leave a note, not one person will know what happened.
23. Simulating a car bomb
Time: Milliseconds.
Availability: Explosives.
Reliability: Quite good if there are plenty of explosives.
Notes: You need to make a car bomb at home, plant it in your own car and leave the house, having previously chatted with neighbors about how well you live far from Chechnya, without the slightest threat of being killed... To mislead competent authorities, put a note in your pocket with phone numbers of all foreign embassies, next to which "code numbers" are written, and random but large sums of cash. Oh, yes, and it's also good to have some kind of self-defense book—a thick one.
24. Jumping off a bridge while being sliced into slices
Time: 9.87 m/s-2; from 4 to 10 meters... do the math yourself
Availability: Rope, long strings and a high bridge.
Reliability: Fairly reliable.
Notes: No one has tried this yet. You could try it from a tall building, but then the motive for the whole act disappears. Cut the rope and strings into pieces of various lengths. The pieces should not be longer than the height of the bridge. Tie one end of the rope and string pieces to the bridge. Tie the other ends of the ropes to various parts of the body—thighs, calves, torso, etc. Then tie the second ends of the strings around the joints (don't forget the genitals). So, when you jump, various parts of your body will be cut off from each other by the string loops and remain hanging on the ropes, swaying gently in the breeze. If you do everything correctly, in the end, you'll get a torso suspended over the sea-river-highway or just the ground. Do this with friends and call it art.
25. Being eaten alive
Time: It depends, but most likely a couple of minutes.
Availability: A zoo or wild primitive African (or other) nature.
Reliability: Not very impressive... What if the beast or beasts aren't too hungry and don't finish you off?
Notes: It all comes down to the need to find one or more predators... tigers are quite good. Sharks, lions, or other big cats would also work.
26. Burning up upon entering the dense layers of the atmosphere
Time: Probably several minutes
Availability: Problematic—you need to get into low Earth orbit.
Reliability: As reliable as you can make it happen.
Notes: Go into open space in low Earth orbit. Then descend enough to enter the atmosphere. You will witness a terrifying sight!
27. AIDS
Time: Incubation period from 1 to 10 years, death 2 years after diagnosis stop. One can be a carrier of the virus for many years and decades.
Dose: Just one intimate encounter with an infected person of any gender.
Availability: This can be obtained for free.
Reliability: The method loses its reliability because 10 years is a long enough time for someone to think of a cure. Otherwise, 99.9% AFTER infection.
Notes: This is not a painless method. It can cost significant money if you allow others to provide medical assistance. There may be difficulties in infection when people who know about their disease simply refuse to infect you. It's very amusing to get infected according to your inclinations (remember, ANY GENDER—you shouldn't limit yourself—you're going to die anyway, so you might as well try it once). It has an extremely discouraging effect on your family and close friends. Moreover, you get the pleasure of fully studying your own body.
28. Self-amputation of the head using a car
Time: Truly fast.
Availability: You need a good car and a rope.
Reliability: I'm not very convinced by this method.
Notes: The main idea is to tie one end of the rope around your neck and attach the second to a strong, stationary object. Then get into a fast car and accelerate to maximum speed. When the rope tightens, your head will be torn from your body. Use a rope of sufficient length and fasten your seatbelt. There are reports that someone in Washington state, USA used this method for suicide. This means it's not so bad after all. A rope 7.5 meters long was used, which seems a bit short. It looks like he had a door, not a car.
29. Death by body painting
Dose: Less than 1 can of paint, depending on your build
Time: Unknown, presumably less than 8 hours.
Availability: Very available! You can choose oil paint. Any type of paint that doesn't allow your pores to breathe is needed. You have an amazing choice of colors for death. Poisonous green? Blood red? Or mostly same-toned? Or any other palette. This method is also good if you haven't yet chosen clothes for your death.
Reliability: A method that involves restricting breathing through the pores. Don't forget to paint the soles of your feet. You must paint every single piece of your body. If the pores breathe—you won't die.
Notes: Read in a theatrical magazine that when applying makeup to the whole body, free spaces for breathing must be left. Otherwise, the artist will die. Usually, when applying full-body makeup, the soles of the feet and some other parts of the body are not made up so as not to suffocate. Note 2: Not a bad joke. This method not only doesn't work—you just stand there like an idiot for eight hours.
30. The Political Method
All you need is to wait for the arrival or speech of some famous person (a president, for example). Stand in a VISIBLE place and, at the moment of their approach, suddenly jerk your hand toward them. (The hand should be discreetly placed in some bag or pocket.)
I know five songs (any)
1. A pistol shot to the temple
Time: From fractions of a second up to several minutes if your aim is poor. Availability: Until you manage to get hold of said pistol. Easier for military and police personnel. Reliability: Very, very reliable, provided your hand doesn't shake. Otherwise, the consequences vary widely—from a mild concussion to a slight lobotomy.
Notes: Do not drop your head onto papers you intend to leave behind—they become completely illegible.
2. Throwing yourself under a train
Time: Seconds, or if unlucky, hours. Availability: Anywhere with high-speed railways. Reliability: Depends on your agility and the speed of the train. Be determined to achieve decapitation. Notes: Probably the best way is to lay your neck on the rails, then the train wheel will snap your spine (and cripple you). High-speed trains travel another kilometer or so when braking, so find a sharp turn.
3. Self-immolation
Time: From seconds to days.
Availability: Anywhere you can get gasoline and matches.
Reliability: Reliability is higher the further you are from medical assistance. Notes: Exceptionally painful—one of the most agonizing ways to die. If you survive, your body will remain disfigured for the rest of your days. You could try a mixture of gasoline and explosives like TNT or NG; this will make your burning MUCH faster, even if the explosive is heavily diluted. Using kerosene is quite debatable, as it burns slower—more suffering—but if you've decided to put on an unforgettable show, then this is your method.
4. Starving to death
Time: 40 days, approximately. Depends on health status.
Availability: Anywhere where they cannot force-feed you.
Reliability: Good, as long as there is no medical help and you have the strength to hold out.
Notes: It gets easier after the first couple of days when hunger disappears. Using appetite suppressants can be useful. These include amphetamines and some other medications. However, the problem here is that such drugs are often illegal and not available for over-the-counter sale. I've heard of a drug called Aminorex (4-methylaminorex), which was once prescribed to suppress appetite, but it was discontinued due to fatal side effects... as if that were a problem! After losing about 20% of initial body weight, painful phenomena occur—extremely severe stomach upset, muscle weakness, and worst of all—mental retardation. Morphine may be used to relieve the pain of fatal dehydration.
5. Poison
Time, reliability, and availability depend on the type of poison. For more detailed information, see the corresponding section.
6. Crashing at 150 km/h
Time: Depending on the case—instantaneous. Availability: You need a fast car, a highway, and something very solid, preferably embedded in the ground.
Reliability: So-so. To increase reliability, place a couple of gasoline canisters on the front seat and FASTEN YOUR SEATBELT. Notes: Fasten your belt, otherwise you might simply be thrown from the car. Place gasoline on the front seat or spray it around yourself for complete certainty. You can make it look like an accident.
7. Shotgun
Time: Instantaneous, if you're lucky.
Availability: Not very simple—you need to register to buy a firearm.
Reliability: Extremely reliable.
Notes: The problem is that you make a terrible mess—think about who would agree to scrape a rotting, clotted pile of meat off the carpet? A second problem is that you might simply miss your head and burn your face.
8. Military service
Time: Any military conflict.
Availability: Just go to the nearest recruitment office and sign up as a volunteer.
Reliability: Be a "hero." Survival in combat is about 20 minutes.
Notes: Stupid. I don't think this is a serious suggestion, as only 10 percent of soldiers see the front line and only some see the battle itself. However, you can always join an unofficial army—in other words, become a mercenary. In that case, at least you will participate in combat, thereby greatly expanding your chances of dying. Either way, it doesn't make the method any smarter.
9. Putting pencils up your nose and hitting a table
Time: Seconds or never.
Availability: All you need is a couple of sharply sharpened pencils and a table.
Reliability: Very unreliable.
Notes: I believe this is a myth. Pencils enter the frontal lobes of the brain—this isn't strictly necessary. The legendary "exam suicide." In case you want to start a lobotomy production circle, this method would suit you well.
10. Staging your own murder
Time: Depends on the method used.
Availability: Do you have a psychopath acquaintance? No? Don't burden people...
Reliability: Depends on the method used and the killer's experience.
Notes: Better forget about it. Even if you contract someone to kill you, the chances that you wake up in a hospital with an empty wallet are extremely high. You won't exactly take them to court for taking the money and not doing the job...
11. Turning yourself into a hydrogen bomb
Time: Speed of light multiplied by 1/2 meter (a couple of nanoseconds).
Availability: Nuclear bomb (of any type, for detonation), 10 liters of heavy water.
Reliability: 100%
Notes: An idiotic method. For several days, drink heavy water, strap yourself to the bomb and press the red button. If you accumulate a few liters of heavy water in your body, the additional power should be about 6 megajoules (plus or minus, depending on build). Remember that heavy water itself is a poison and you might not live until the main moment. A thermonuclear reaction in the body is not guaranteed regardless of the amount of water drunk. Although, it's completely irrelevant if you're sitting on a nuclear bomb!
12. Nanomachines
Time: Years or fractions of a second—depending on how you look at it.
Availability: In 50 - 1000 years?
Reliability: Good, assuming technologies continue to develop.
Notes: From the realm of science fiction. Usually, such technology involves using a replicator panel. You go through the machine and it makes a duplicate of you, killing the original source. The duplicate is slightly modified and simplified (but retains the ability to operate the machine). Thus, you gradually turn into a mindless zombie who walks from the machine's exit to its entrance forever. A strange philosophical conclusion, though...
13. Scuba diving
Time: See notes—usually minutes or hours.
Availability: Scuba gear and no one around.
Reliability: See notes.
Notes: The first method is to ascend from a depth of about 30 meters while holding your breath on an inhale, which leads to excess pressure in the lungs; subcutaneous emphysema or lung collapse are possible. Death usually occurs from drowning in one's own blood. Quite painful and treatable if rescued, but if there is no help, death is almost certain.
The second—stay at a depth of 30 meters for about 30 minutes (the time required for nitrogen to dissolve in the blood), then ascend quickly without observing decompression time. This is an unreliable method and can lead to brain or joint lesions, but it will certainly twist you up nicely. You won't feel much, but all your joints will stiffen within an hour. Death is very unlikely, usually from a stroke.
The third path—carbon monoxide poisoning. Fill the tanks with it and dive far from other divers. Very soon you will fall asleep. You might be rescued, but damage will certainly occur.
And the last method—oxygen toxicity. This means you must dive very deep with a mixture containing a high percentage of oxygen, but this is sometimes problematic. The advantage of this method is that insurance companies and relatives will view your act as an accident, unlike CO poisoning. Combining it with the previous method can produce a very interesting effect.
14. Brain suction
Time: Minutes.
Availability: You need a Puma (tm) robot and some other small things...
Reliability: Reliable, provided the program is correctly written.
Notes: You need an industrial robot for proper execution. Attach a saw and a suction nozzle to it and program it. Fix your head in a clamp. Once the head is well-secured, run the program. It will make a hole in your skull and insert the nozzle. Program it so that it moves the nozzle back and forth to ensure everything is sucked out. It's useful to feed a stream of water into the hole so the nozzle doesn't just suck air the whole time. Perhaps such a program would be very amusing to test and debug...
15. Microwaves
Time: Unknown.
Availability: A source of strong microwave radiation.
Reliability: High, if no one removes you.
Notes: Self-baking. The goal is to raise your internal temperature to a lethal level. Finding a source is quite problematic. You could try to dismantle and correctly tune several microwaves. It's also known that standing in front of a Swedish coastal surveillance radar (which uses the same frequency as a regular microwave oven) is STRONGLY NOT RECOMMENDED.
16. Dehydration
Time: A week or so.
Availability: You must ensure there is no medical assistance.
Notes: Do not eat and do not drink. Remember that food contains a high percentage of water. Avoiding medical help can be difficult. See point 4 "Starving to death"
17. An "accident" during a parachute jump
Time: Damn fast, which is pleasant.
Availability: Join a parachute club. Takes a lot of time and (often) money.
Reliability: Fairly reliable. Although people have fallen from great heights and survived. Injuries sustained in the fall are not so light.
Notes: Join a parachute club, continue training for some time to remove all suspicion. Then, one fine day, pack your parachute in complete disorder (preferably with a tied knot, but not too noticeably) and jump. The parachute won't open and you will reach a terminal velocity of 220 km/h. Death occurs instantly upon impact with planet Earth. One of the advantages of this method is the ability to simulate an "accident," so you don't add additional suffering and guilt to your relatives and friends. Just don't forget to remove or ruin the reserve parachute (which isn't that easy).
18. Death by a thousand cuts (modern version)
Time: Various.
Availability: A lot of sharp, thin wires... maybe high voltage.
Reliability: Not very good.
Notes: This is a modern version of the Arabic "death by a thousand cuts." The main thing is to jump onto a mesh of thin sharp wires and roll on it until death occurs. You can apply low-frequency high voltage, which will force your muscles to contract and inflict cuts even if you lose consciousness. Furthermore, you must be sure that you don't roll outside the wires.
19. Crushing
Time: From several seconds to minutes, depending on the press.
Availability: A car press... or an industrial one.
Reliability: Reliable, if you can't run away at the last moment.
Notes: An extremely simple method. Get into the machine, get under the press, and spend some time being flattened to death, turning into a bloody mash. Activating the press can be difficult, but if you hide in the machine beforehand, someone might come and turn it on. There are other ways to be crushed, however, this method seems most effective. I just thought that running across the street in front of a loaded truck is also not a bad option. You should remember that a person often remains alive during compression; death occurs AFTER the weight is removed.
20. World War III
Time: Moments, if you are near an important military base.
Availability: Do you have a red button handy? Maybe you're the president?
Reliability: Fairly reliable.
Notes: All you need to do is start World War III. Launch a couple of rockets at the Chinese or Americans... The advantage of this method is that you won't be alone, and you'll take everyone else with you. The problem lies in the limited number of people who have the necessary authority, and I doubt anyone reading this can do it.
21. Heatstroke
Time: 4 hours or slightly more.
Availability: A very hot day and non-interference from neighbors and other persons.
Reliability: Depends on the weather.
Notes: The main task is to induce a severe heatstroke in yourself. You must spend several hours in the sun. To speed up the process, you can use aluminum foil to direct sunlight toward yourself. Of course, you should start in the morning! It's good when the outside temperature is above 37 degrees.
22. Acid baths
Time: Depends on the acid.
Availability: You need a lot of very strong acid.
Reliability: Quite high.
Notes: Exhausted by the previous method? Take new and improved acid baths. Nearby, there's probably a metalworking plant or an auto service center with wonderful soothing acid baths. Do you love pain that makes your eyes pop out and don't want to bother others cleaning up your remains? Then this is for you! If you don't bother to leave a note, not one person will know what happened.
23. Simulating a car bomb
Time: Milliseconds.
Availability: Explosives.
Reliability: Quite good if there are plenty of explosives.
Notes: You need to make a car bomb at home, plant it in your own car and leave the house, having previously chatted with neighbors about how well you live far from Chechnya, without the slightest threat of being killed... To mislead competent authorities, put a note in your pocket with phone numbers of all foreign embassies, next to which "code numbers" are written, and random but large sums of cash. Oh, yes, and it's also good to have some kind of self-defense book—a thick one.
24. Jumping off a bridge while being sliced into slices
Time: 9.87 m/s-2; from 4 to 10 meters... do the math yourself
Availability: Rope, long strings and a high bridge.
Reliability: Fairly reliable.
Notes: No one has tried this yet. You could try it from a tall building, but then the motive for the whole act disappears. Cut the rope and strings into pieces of various lengths. The pieces should not be longer than the height of the bridge. Tie one end of the rope and string pieces to the bridge. Tie the other ends of the ropes to various parts of the body—thighs, calves, torso, etc. Then tie the second ends of the strings around the joints (don't forget the genitals). So, when you jump, various parts of your body will be cut off from each other by the string loops and remain hanging on the ropes, swaying gently in the breeze. If you do everything correctly, in the end, you'll get a torso suspended over the sea-river-highway or just the ground. Do this with friends and call it art.
25. Being eaten alive
Time: It depends, but most likely a couple of minutes.
Availability: A zoo or wild primitive African (or other) nature.
Reliability: Not very impressive... What if the beast or beasts aren't too hungry and don't finish you off?
Notes: It all comes down to the need to find one or more predators... tigers are quite good. Sharks, lions, or other big cats would also work.
26. Burning up upon entering the dense layers of the atmosphere
Time: Probably several minutes
Availability: Problematic—you need to get into low Earth orbit.
Reliability: As reliable as you can make it happen.
Notes: Go into open space in low Earth orbit. Then descend enough to enter the atmosphere. You will witness a terrifying sight!
27. AIDS
Time: Incubation period from 1 to 10 years, death 2 years after diagnosis stop. One can be a carrier of the virus for many years and decades.
Dose: Just one intimate encounter with an infected person of any gender.
Availability: This can be obtained for free.
Reliability: The method loses its reliability because 10 years is a long enough time for someone to think of a cure. Otherwise, 99.9% AFTER infection.
Notes: This is not a painless method. It can cost significant money if you allow others to provide medical assistance. There may be difficulties in infection when people who know about their disease simply refuse to infect you. It's very amusing to get infected according to your inclinations (remember, ANY GENDER—you shouldn't limit yourself—you're going to die anyway, so you might as well try it once). It has an extremely discouraging effect on your family and close friends. Moreover, you get the pleasure of fully studying your own body.
28. Self-amputation of the head using a car
Time: Truly fast.
Availability: You need a good car and a rope.
Reliability: I'm not very convinced by this method.
Notes: The main idea is to tie one end of the rope around your neck and attach the second to a strong, stationary object. Then get into a fast car and accelerate to maximum speed. When the rope tightens, your head will be torn from your body. Use a rope of sufficient length and fasten your seatbelt. There are reports that someone in Washington state, USA used this method for suicide. This means it's not so bad after all. A rope 7.5 meters long was used, which seems a bit short. It looks like he had a door, not a car.
29. Death by body painting
Dose: Less than 1 can of paint, depending on your build
Time: Unknown, presumably less than 8 hours.
Availability: Very available! You can choose oil paint. Any type of paint that doesn't allow your pores to breathe is needed. You have an amazing choice of colors for death. Poisonous green? Blood red? Or mostly same-toned? Or any other palette. This method is also good if you haven't yet chosen clothes for your death.
Reliability: A method that involves restricting breathing through the pores. Don't forget to paint the soles of your feet. You must paint every single piece of your body. If the pores breathe—you won't die.
Notes: Read in a theatrical magazine that when applying makeup to the whole body, free spaces for breathing must be left. Otherwise, the artist will die. Usually, when applying full-body makeup, the soles of the feet and some other parts of the body are not made up so as not to suffocate. Note 2: Not a bad joke. This method not only doesn't work—you just stand there like an idiot for eight hours.
30. The Political Method
All you need is to wait for the arrival or speech of some famous person (a president, for example). Stand in a VISIBLE place and, at the moment of their approach, suddenly jerk your hand toward them. (The hand should be discreetly placed in some bag or pocket.)
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