Fun

The moral code of a landsknecht and condottiero.
1) Maintain your reputation.
2) If witnesses can interfere with the execution of point 1, get rid of the witnesses.
3) Get rid of the witnesses.
4) Half the money upfront.
5) If possible, get more.
6) If, after receiving money upfront, you can keep it without doing anything, think about it – you are essentially working for half pay, trying to get the rest.
7) Conclusion – ask for twice as much.
8) Ask for three times as much.
9) If X hires you to act against Y, and then Y offers a larger sum – assess the situation – maybe X is underpaying you.
10) Or you are working for the wrong client.
11) If X offers a sum larger than Y, try to make sure Y finds out about it.
12) Don't overdo it – because of your maneuvering, they might conspire out of dislike for you.
13) If point 12 happens, take money from both – for resolving the conflict and helping to find common interests and grounds for cooperation.
14) If they agree to this, increase the amount.
15) If not, see points 1-3.
16) At the same time, from the very beginning, take into account points 4-7.
17) Supplement to points 9 and 11 – if there is an interested party Z nearby, try to get money from him too.
18) Twice as much.
19) Three times as much.
20) If, when studying the contract, the words "in case" and "I undertake to pay" appear sequentially in your obligations, do not sign it.
21) If, despite all of the above, you have started working for the money, do not forget about points 1-3.
22) During the work, try not to resort to personal attacks – it is quite possible that next time you will be hired by the one you are acting against this time.
23) If you still resort to personal attacks, see point 3.
24) If everyone around is dead – you have won.
25) Supplement to point 24 – if you haven't been paid for it, maybe you rushed to victory. Also, reread point 4 and
further.
26) If, following all these rules, you have won, and the employer is still alive and willing to pay the agreed amount, it might be worth asking for more. See the circumstances.
27) Don't get cocky.
28) If you get cocky, remember point 1. Increase the amount. In the worst case, you will get the agreed amount.
29) If you are in doubt, use "Greek fire," gunpowder, or another potent means.
30) Remember – there are many clients, but you are one.
31) The word "Moral" in the title is just for show.
32) Never miss an opportunity to eat, drink, and sleep. Disputed property, money, and women are wasted on it.
33) Undisputed ones too.
34) Don't be in the front ranks – you will be killed.
35) And don't be in the last ranks – you will be late for the loot.
36) Take the position of a looting master.
37) Or become his friend.
38) Remember the existing ways of dividing the loot:
a) fairly
b) justly
c) brotherly
d) equally
e) in half
39) Never share the loot.
40) If the division is organized by your comrades, participate. Remember point 38.
41) Never take what belongs to others.
42) Make what belongs to others no one's and own it as the finder.
43) Never get distracted by petty looting if there is a big one ahead.
44) After a campaign, you can return and loot what survived during the campaign.
45) Be honest!
46) It is most profitable to be honest with yourself.
47) Never neglect yourself, offend yourself, or put yourself in danger.
48) Maybe you can hire another landsknecht to work for you for half your salary.
49) And then not pay him.
50) Don't carry unnecessary things with you; they need to be drunk away or, at worst, buried.
51) Don't trust clients – they are bastards!
52) Think with your head!!!
53) If point 52 is impossible, use your helmet.
54) Don't fight in the rain – you might get wet.
55) If you still get wet, use point 52 to comfort yourself in time – point 31.
56) Never eat cucumbers with milk before a serious undertaking – you are not a philosopher, ready to spend the rest of the day passively contemplating the world.
57) As long as someone near you has money, don't stop – see point 52.
58) If someone near you has no money, it means they have hidden it very well – see point 57.
59) Unbroken dishes during a feast are a personal insult.
60) Unbroken faces of comrades are an insult to nature.
61) Protect nature.
62) The ability to run may come in handy after following many of the points.
63) Never save princesses.
64) Make a deal with a dragon, trick the knight.
65) Trick the dragon, see point 3.
66) If it turns out that there is no dragon, but there is a princess, see point 32.
67) Shiny armor attracts enemy crossbowmen. Don't polish your armor.
68) If you owe money to a comrade, polish his armor.
69) If a comrade does not voluntarily give up his armor, polish his face.
70) If a comrade is stronger than you, take into account point 27 and remember point 62.
71) If the employer sent you to fight, and you met a group of mercenaries, have a joint feast. See points 59-61.
72) Without washing or changing clothes, appear before the employer and demand money for a fierce battle and a glorious victory.
73) Offer another group point 72.
74) Use the money received according to point 72 according to point 32.
75) The longer the campaign lasts, the more money you can get.
76) (Conclusion from point 75) If possible, postpone the main battle.
77) Wait until the employer runs out of money, use this as an excuse to return home.
78) Try to get an arquebus (cannons don't shoot at arquebusiers, it's easier to hit pikemen).
79) If you see Swiss soldiers on the enemy side, act like this:
a) If you are commanded by Fründsberg, you have a chance, but see point 76.
b) If you are not commanded by Fründsberg, see point 62.
80) Never. Trust no one.
81) Don't trust anyone, not even yourself. Therefore, count the money many times and in the presence of witnesses. After the counting process, think about points 6, 39, 42, and 46, and act according to point 3.
82) Prepare yourself to join the ranks of the landsknechts from childhood!
83) Remember – at the expense of the employer, you can always get acquainted with the features of the surrounding world: vast expanses and the harsh Russian winter, the Nordic character of some peoples and the Mediterranean temperament of others, the English humor of the third, and the Estonian
reaction speed of the fourth. Where else will you be offered so many sightseeing tours for free?!
84) Keep your head warm and your ass away from places where things that are NOT listed in point 32 are distributed.
85) "Good, bad – the main thing is who has the gun" (c)
86) Always go to work with a clear head and an empty stomach: let the enemy have it even worse.
87) If something can be drunk today, don't leave it for tomorrow!
88) A friend's horse is your horse. A friend's sword is your sword. A friend's wallet is your wallet. A friend's wife is your wife.
89) There are no strangers' wives.
90)
a) A big stomach is good.
b) A big wallet is better than a big stomach.
c) A big cock is better than a big wallet.
d) The ideal combination: a landsknecht with a big stomach, a very big wallet, and an even bigger cock!
91) A condottiero to a landsknecht is a bugbear, goods, and a fragment.
92) General thesis: don't die yourself, and send the employer to...!
93) Eat breakfast yourself, eat lunch yourself, eat dinner yourself – you never know if you will be fed tomorrow.
94) War, maneuvers – it's all nonsense, the main thing is what to eat!
95) Die yourself – but don't let your comrade go to paradise. And have a sword in your hand, and be in the war yourself!
96) Working on Sunday is a sin, on Saturday is a sin, and on the other days it is an even greater sin. A landsknecht must drink, eat, and indulge in debauchery, but not of his own free will, but because that is how the Lord created him.
97) A good sleep strengthens morale. Good food strengthens morale. Good money strengthens morale. And most of all, the absence of an enemy strengthens morale.