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From the world of the online game based on the Heroes series
Necromancy for Dummies, or How to Build an Army with Your Own Hands
Dear aspiring bone lords and masters of horror! This simple guide is designed to help you in the critically important, yet difficult task of army creation. You will see that a skilled necromancer can bend anything, anywhere, and anytime to their will! But most importantly—in the shortest possible time.
1. Skeletons. In modern necromantic society, there is an opinion that reserves should only be replenished with select humanoid skeletons, extracted immediately after a victorious battle. Supposedly, this is the only way to ensure the highest quality of troops.
Do not listen to the opinions of stupid elitists who take the clumsy and slow path! Obtain bones wherever and however you can, and boldly slot them into your skeletons. Whether you found a dead rat on the road, dug up an old lady's grave, or ate chicken drumsticks for dinner—let absolutely everything be used! Do not be afraid to experiment! No money for weapons? No problem; let psychological pressure be your trump card. Upon seeing a skeleton crawling on chicken bones with a rat's skull, the enemy will surely die of something. If not from fear, then from laughter.
2. Zombies. It is common knowledge that walking dead are slow. But few know that in a speed contest against two piles of boulders, zombies took a distinguished third place. A true necromancer knows that a zombie doesn't necessarily need to move to deal damage to a potential opponent. Chop off your zombies' legs and give them to the skeleton warriors. Chop off the arms too and give them to the skeleton archers. Teach what remains of your zombies to swear... and the result will exceed the boldest expectations! Hearing insults from stumps of rotten flesh, enemies will rush toward your ranks with the fury of berserkers. And then they will experience the indescribable sensation of being bitten on the ankles and calves.
3. Ghosts. What to do if the army desperately needs ghosts, but magic powers are insufficient to summon real spirits? Remember, it doesn't matter if you actually have ghosts; what matters is that the enemy believes you do. Use your imagination! Gather the enemy warriors around a campfire some night and tell a few chilling ghost stories about spirits, then dress a couple of dozen of your dead in white sheets. The enemies will fall for it hook, line, and sinker. For the most skeptical, slip some crushed mushrooms into their soup; they will not only see ghosts in broad daylight but also bone dragons that haven't even been invented yet.
4. Vampires. As a rule, these ungrateful snobs sit in their estates and demand huge sums of money to join. What should you do if there are no mountains of gold, but the army needs mobile troops that suck enemy blood?
Once again, imagination and ingenuity will come to your aid! You only need to catch a couple of wild rabbits, let them breed, and then liberally feed the long-eared offspring with blood. In the shortest time, you will have a powerful strike force of mad bunnies eager to sink their teeth into your enemies. Put a small black cloak on each of them, and your vampires are ready for battle. And who cares if they aren't undead? Long teeth? Run fast? Black cloaks? That's all it takes.
Those enemies who survive the zombie bites will receive a new portion of joy and a burst of energy for the rest of their lives.
5. Liches. Strangely enough, these are the easiest to obtain. You just have to promise any mages that in your army they will finally have time for a PERSONAL life. There will be no shortage of candidates.
6. Undead. It is not necessary to read ancient spells to summon powerful spirits of Death into our world. A couple of especially fat zombies and some old monastic robes will do just fine. No one knows what's hiding under the hood, right? Getting weapons is even easier. After the last human emperor issued a decree that all peasants must be armed only with pitchforks, scythes have been gathering dust in warehouses. If the supplies prove too meager or too rusty, feel free to use shovels instead of scythes. They are even better.
An undead with a shovel—now that sounds proud. Those who disagree can try laughing with a crushed skull.
Dark Elf Tactics for Dummies, or How to Strengthen an Already Cool Army
Dear avengers of darkness and relentless killers! Surely you often have to hear spiteful and envious shouts like: "Nerf the DEs!" "Furies are a cheat!" "Behead the hydras!" It can't be helped; in these difficult times, few can appreciate the true beauty of instant death by poison, blades, or an upgraded hydra. This simple guide will help you make the already unpleasant death of your enemies even faster, more painful, and more humiliating. May your army be invincible!
1. Scouts/Assassins. So, what is the main problem with scouts and assassins? Correct—they are unimportant shooters. Therefore, we must make them important, meaning, good shooters! To this end, send them to the camp of a potential opponent—high elves or humans—and order them to steal bows from the elves and crossbows from the humans. Just don't even think about sending them to the undead; not only are the bows crappy, but they'll bite your legs off—believe me.
After completing this dark deed, replace the dull Dark Elf crossbows with cool human ones, teach the guys how to shoot a bow and... voila! First-tier creatures with double shots from bows and triple shots from crossbows will sow destruction and chaos in the enemy ranks. Just don't be surprised if human crossbowmen suddenly learn the "sworn enemy - fucking DEs" ability, or if high elves increase their skills threefold.
2. Beasts/Furies. Few know that these combat beauties adopted their fighting style from extinct creatures called "harpies." By the way, they also inherited the harpies' temperament, but shhh about that if you don't want to wake up one day with your stomach ripped open. In general, fury tactics are almost flawless, but they lack a couple of elements.
First, wings. To obtain these useful gadgets, send the scouts back to the human camp and steal the wings from the griffins there. Attaching them to the furies is just a matter of technique—or rather, magic.
Second, clothing is optional for furies; in fact, it's not needed at all. If you can convince them to attack the enemy naked, the result will be stunning! At the sight of winged naked beauties, enemies will have nosebleeds, drool from their mouths, and remain spellbound for a good ten turns. Alas, side effects are inevitable—most of your own troops will also stand in a stupor and drool. But this is a necessary evil.
By the way, this trick is unlikely to work on enemy women. Also, be prepared for griffins to learn the "sworn enemy" ability as well. Protect your new gar-furies! And organize a free distribution of "PlayElf" for all the men in the army; let them... harden themselves.
3. Minotaurs/Minotaur Guards. Well, you've probably grasped the general idea by now. Who throws axes among us? Correct, orcs. Who throws axes twice? No one, which means you will be the first! Send scouts to the Barbarian camp and steal... no, wrong, not axes. Orc axes are even crappier than skeleton bows; why do you think they throw them at enemies in bunches? Steal ten orc chieftains and three barrels of beer. Give beer to both the orcs and the minotaurs and lock them in a training room. Don't worry, the minos will survive; they are stupider. But afterward, they will throw axes at the orcs with redoubled zeal.
Unfortunately, the orcs will also acquire the "sworn enemy - those bastards who stole our beer" trait. Once again, the scouts will have to take the fall for everyone.
4. Lizard Riders. These warriors are the well-deserved elite of the Dark Elves, but even they can find two useful things. First, better spears. Take the surviving scouts and send them back to the humans. Now their task is to snatch spears from the cavalrymen. For some reason, some pathetic little knights fight with better weapons than the great DE warriors, but now justice will be restored.
The second point is harder. The lizard riders must be replaced by cave dragons. Guess what needs to be done for this? Send scouts back to the Barbarians and steal the remaining beer supplies. Bring the beer to the nearest dragon cave, send the dismounted riders there... and about ten succubi stolen from demons. After a stunning drinking bout and some relaxation, the dragons and DEs will become friends forever. Don't worry about the succubi; it's not their first time changing body sizes and shapes.
Your new dragon riders will be unsurpassed fighters for the honor of the Dark Elf race. Human cavalrymen will learn the "sworn enemy - pathetic DE thieves" ability, demons will be furious demanding their girls back, and it's best to just avoid Barbarians for now. They won't forgive you for the beer.
5. Hydras. These multi-headed creatures are great and beautiful. Many generations of noobs, lamers, and losers in the world of Heroes were killed by their upgrades; their importance is so great that they require no further improvements. Well, except perhaps a second upgrade, but you are powerless in that matter. Give your enemies a short respite, for next to be strengthened will be...
6. Twilight Witches. Do you have any scouts left? If so, announce to them that their same hour has come! You'll have to steal seriously and a lot—very, very much. Send them to the knights and steal clubs from the monks. To the mages—swipe sabers and gloves from the djinn. To the elves—pinch staffs from the druids. To the necromancers—steal lich helmets. To the demons—haul away Cave Demon swords and imp bottles. Just don't go to the Barbarians; you know why.
Now your witches will be invincible. They will cast all available spells in the game, fight with sabers and clubs, and have a huge mana pool. Power over the world will be in your hands.
...
One small piece of advice. Finally, steal as much provisions as possible from somewhere and hide in caves for about half a year, putting the toothiest hydras on guard. Because after all your army improvements, the other races will most likely unite to arrange a total and relentless genocide against you. Wait it out; be smarter. For when you return, dwarves will have already appeared in the world... and the scouts will have something to do again.
(c) Garret_Thief
Necromancy for Dummies, or How to Build an Army with Your Own Hands
Dear aspiring bone lords and masters of horror! This simple guide is designed to help you in the critically important, yet difficult task of army creation. You will see that a skilled necromancer can bend anything, anywhere, and anytime to their will! But most importantly—in the shortest possible time.
1. Skeletons. In modern necromantic society, there is an opinion that reserves should only be replenished with select humanoid skeletons, extracted immediately after a victorious battle. Supposedly, this is the only way to ensure the highest quality of troops.
Do not listen to the opinions of stupid elitists who take the clumsy and slow path! Obtain bones wherever and however you can, and boldly slot them into your skeletons. Whether you found a dead rat on the road, dug up an old lady's grave, or ate chicken drumsticks for dinner—let absolutely everything be used! Do not be afraid to experiment! No money for weapons? No problem; let psychological pressure be your trump card. Upon seeing a skeleton crawling on chicken bones with a rat's skull, the enemy will surely die of something. If not from fear, then from laughter.
2. Zombies. It is common knowledge that walking dead are slow. But few know that in a speed contest against two piles of boulders, zombies took a distinguished third place. A true necromancer knows that a zombie doesn't necessarily need to move to deal damage to a potential opponent. Chop off your zombies' legs and give them to the skeleton warriors. Chop off the arms too and give them to the skeleton archers. Teach what remains of your zombies to swear... and the result will exceed the boldest expectations! Hearing insults from stumps of rotten flesh, enemies will rush toward your ranks with the fury of berserkers. And then they will experience the indescribable sensation of being bitten on the ankles and calves.
3. Ghosts. What to do if the army desperately needs ghosts, but magic powers are insufficient to summon real spirits? Remember, it doesn't matter if you actually have ghosts; what matters is that the enemy believes you do. Use your imagination! Gather the enemy warriors around a campfire some night and tell a few chilling ghost stories about spirits, then dress a couple of dozen of your dead in white sheets. The enemies will fall for it hook, line, and sinker. For the most skeptical, slip some crushed mushrooms into their soup; they will not only see ghosts in broad daylight but also bone dragons that haven't even been invented yet.
4. Vampires. As a rule, these ungrateful snobs sit in their estates and demand huge sums of money to join. What should you do if there are no mountains of gold, but the army needs mobile troops that suck enemy blood?
Once again, imagination and ingenuity will come to your aid! You only need to catch a couple of wild rabbits, let them breed, and then liberally feed the long-eared offspring with blood. In the shortest time, you will have a powerful strike force of mad bunnies eager to sink their teeth into your enemies. Put a small black cloak on each of them, and your vampires are ready for battle. And who cares if they aren't undead? Long teeth? Run fast? Black cloaks? That's all it takes.
Those enemies who survive the zombie bites will receive a new portion of joy and a burst of energy for the rest of their lives.
5. Liches. Strangely enough, these are the easiest to obtain. You just have to promise any mages that in your army they will finally have time for a PERSONAL life. There will be no shortage of candidates.
6. Undead. It is not necessary to read ancient spells to summon powerful spirits of Death into our world. A couple of especially fat zombies and some old monastic robes will do just fine. No one knows what's hiding under the hood, right? Getting weapons is even easier. After the last human emperor issued a decree that all peasants must be armed only with pitchforks, scythes have been gathering dust in warehouses. If the supplies prove too meager or too rusty, feel free to use shovels instead of scythes. They are even better.
An undead with a shovel—now that sounds proud. Those who disagree can try laughing with a crushed skull.
Dark Elf Tactics for Dummies, or How to Strengthen an Already Cool Army
Dear avengers of darkness and relentless killers! Surely you often have to hear spiteful and envious shouts like: "Nerf the DEs!" "Furies are a cheat!" "Behead the hydras!" It can't be helped; in these difficult times, few can appreciate the true beauty of instant death by poison, blades, or an upgraded hydra. This simple guide will help you make the already unpleasant death of your enemies even faster, more painful, and more humiliating. May your army be invincible!
1. Scouts/Assassins. So, what is the main problem with scouts and assassins? Correct—they are unimportant shooters. Therefore, we must make them important, meaning, good shooters! To this end, send them to the camp of a potential opponent—high elves or humans—and order them to steal bows from the elves and crossbows from the humans. Just don't even think about sending them to the undead; not only are the bows crappy, but they'll bite your legs off—believe me.
After completing this dark deed, replace the dull Dark Elf crossbows with cool human ones, teach the guys how to shoot a bow and... voila! First-tier creatures with double shots from bows and triple shots from crossbows will sow destruction and chaos in the enemy ranks. Just don't be surprised if human crossbowmen suddenly learn the "sworn enemy - fucking DEs" ability, or if high elves increase their skills threefold.
2. Beasts/Furies. Few know that these combat beauties adopted their fighting style from extinct creatures called "harpies." By the way, they also inherited the harpies' temperament, but shhh about that if you don't want to wake up one day with your stomach ripped open. In general, fury tactics are almost flawless, but they lack a couple of elements.
First, wings. To obtain these useful gadgets, send the scouts back to the human camp and steal the wings from the griffins there. Attaching them to the furies is just a matter of technique—or rather, magic.
Second, clothing is optional for furies; in fact, it's not needed at all. If you can convince them to attack the enemy naked, the result will be stunning! At the sight of winged naked beauties, enemies will have nosebleeds, drool from their mouths, and remain spellbound for a good ten turns. Alas, side effects are inevitable—most of your own troops will also stand in a stupor and drool. But this is a necessary evil.
By the way, this trick is unlikely to work on enemy women. Also, be prepared for griffins to learn the "sworn enemy" ability as well. Protect your new gar-furies! And organize a free distribution of "PlayElf" for all the men in the army; let them... harden themselves.
3. Minotaurs/Minotaur Guards. Well, you've probably grasped the general idea by now. Who throws axes among us? Correct, orcs. Who throws axes twice? No one, which means you will be the first! Send scouts to the Barbarian camp and steal... no, wrong, not axes. Orc axes are even crappier than skeleton bows; why do you think they throw them at enemies in bunches? Steal ten orc chieftains and three barrels of beer. Give beer to both the orcs and the minotaurs and lock them in a training room. Don't worry, the minos will survive; they are stupider. But afterward, they will throw axes at the orcs with redoubled zeal.
Unfortunately, the orcs will also acquire the "sworn enemy - those bastards who stole our beer" trait. Once again, the scouts will have to take the fall for everyone.
4. Lizard Riders. These warriors are the well-deserved elite of the Dark Elves, but even they can find two useful things. First, better spears. Take the surviving scouts and send them back to the humans. Now their task is to snatch spears from the cavalrymen. For some reason, some pathetic little knights fight with better weapons than the great DE warriors, but now justice will be restored.
The second point is harder. The lizard riders must be replaced by cave dragons. Guess what needs to be done for this? Send scouts back to the Barbarians and steal the remaining beer supplies. Bring the beer to the nearest dragon cave, send the dismounted riders there... and about ten succubi stolen from demons. After a stunning drinking bout and some relaxation, the dragons and DEs will become friends forever. Don't worry about the succubi; it's not their first time changing body sizes and shapes.
Your new dragon riders will be unsurpassed fighters for the honor of the Dark Elf race. Human cavalrymen will learn the "sworn enemy - pathetic DE thieves" ability, demons will be furious demanding their girls back, and it's best to just avoid Barbarians for now. They won't forgive you for the beer.
5. Hydras. These multi-headed creatures are great and beautiful. Many generations of noobs, lamers, and losers in the world of Heroes were killed by their upgrades; their importance is so great that they require no further improvements. Well, except perhaps a second upgrade, but you are powerless in that matter. Give your enemies a short respite, for next to be strengthened will be...
6. Twilight Witches. Do you have any scouts left? If so, announce to them that their same hour has come! You'll have to steal seriously and a lot—very, very much. Send them to the knights and steal clubs from the monks. To the mages—swipe sabers and gloves from the djinn. To the elves—pinch staffs from the druids. To the necromancers—steal lich helmets. To the demons—haul away Cave Demon swords and imp bottles. Just don't go to the Barbarians; you know why.
Now your witches will be invincible. They will cast all available spells in the game, fight with sabers and clubs, and have a huge mana pool. Power over the world will be in your hands.
...
One small piece of advice. Finally, steal as much provisions as possible from somewhere and hide in caves for about half a year, putting the toothiest hydras on guard. Because after all your army improvements, the other races will most likely unite to arrange a total and relentless genocide against you. Wait it out; be smarter. For when you return, dwarves will have already appeared in the world... and the scouts will have something to do again.
(c) Garret_Thief
Наше оружие - неожиданность! Неожиданность и страх, страх и неожиданность - это два наших оружия! Плюс безжалостность - три наших оружия: страх, неожиданность и безжалостность! И ещё фанатичная преданность Папе - четвёртое! Наше оружие включает в себя... наше оружие включает в себя... страх, неожиданность... я сейчас!