Sacred Haven of Debauchery

I answered the questions like a true Eastern king. Hello, Grandfather Frost! My name is Lord of All. I am quite old! Not too young, not too old, but I believe and hope that you exist and are reading my letter right now. My mother is a very mean aunt. She doesn't allow me to write letters to you, so I'm sitting in the throne room and writing this letter. Mom only lets me go out to play until I come back whenever. When I don't listen to her, she throws a flamethrower at me and often hits me right in the butt =( One day, I couldn't stand it anymore and said to her: "Oh, abdyr la haman ibn abdur, thank you for the wonderful hookah!". My father works as a lord and comes home from work in a bad mood, and he shouts: "impious jackal!" And makes me fix his miserable slaves. But I don't know how to fix anything, so I end up messing things up. He gets even angrier and forbids me from playing "shut your mouth" with my friends. Dad also came up with a nickname for me, and he calls me not Lord of All, but worthless! This is very offensive. In general, Grandfather Frost, if you are not Saladin, you nasty jackal, then you will understand how I feel after a big explosion. Dear Grandfather Frost, red-assed slave, take me to your place or give me a flamethrower. Also, make it so that the people close to me love me and give me money more often to destroy you all, you miserable slaves. Beloved Grandfather Frost, you are my last chance. I hope that in the new year, I will find a basement under the Christmas tree. Grandfather Frost, understand how I feel after a big explosion. If you don't read this letter or it doesn't reach you, then I will be fine. Remember that I believe in you, you crazy fool!