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Sacred Haven of Debauchery

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#1008
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A Letter to Santa Claus
Hello, Santa Claus! My name is Ulric. I am 120 years old! Not too much, not too little, but I believe and hope that you exist and are reading my letter right now. My mother is a very mean aunt. She doesn't allow me to write letters to you, and that's why I'm sitting in this communist place and writing this letter. Mom only lets me go out to play until "№:*(. When I don't listen to her, she throws a chainsaw at me and often hits me right in the head =( One day, I couldn't stand it anymore and said to her: "Allah! Allah!". My father works as an orc butcher, and when he comes home from work in a bad mood, he shouts: "You are an unfinished Katsan, you damned bastard!" And he makes me fix his axe. But I don't know how to fix anything, so I end up making bacon. He gets even angrier and forbids me from playing "Eat the Dragon" with my friends. My father also came up with a nickname for me, and he calls me not Ulric, but Goblin Slayer! This is very offensive. In general, Santa Claus, if you are not a drunken creep, then you will understand how bad things are for me.... Dear Santa Claus, red Lenin, take me to your place or send me a chainsaw. Also, make it so that the people close to me love me and give me money more often to eat. My dear Santa Claus, you are my last chance. I hope that for the New Year, I will find a chainsaw under the Christmas tree. Santa Claus, understand how bad things are for me.... If you don't read this letter or it doesn't reach you, I'm doomed. Remember that I believe in you, Muscovite!

Heh!
Любовь и атомное оружие, братья, любовь и атомное оружие.