HeroesWorld
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A poem about heroes.

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Offline AlexSpl
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Posts: 734
#6
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2Drako: IMHO, the rhythm needs work; stick to something consistent: iamb, trochee, or anapest at most.
A nearby star shines upon us like a campfire,
Pushing back the darkness, chasing the night away…
It tries to reach its lost sisters,
Whose glow is hidden in malice by the clouds…

Line 1: N U N - N N - U N N - N U - no rhythm
Line 3: N U N N - N U - N U N N - H U - poor rhythm and inconsistent length.

On the 4th line, it's almost impossible to read...
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