Fun

Knight Technical Support
In those distant (and most likely fictional) times, when knights fought dragons to save beautiful princesses, there was no technical support for users. Swords were forged by blacksmiths, and if a knight survived after a poor-quality sword broke and failed to sever a dragon's head, he would come and hit the blacksmith on the head, telling him to leave his forge and go to a monastery. However, what if every blacksmith had an entire staff of support personnel? Let's imagine...

- Merlin, Inc. Technical Support. How can I help you?
- Yesterday, I purchased a sword from you...
- Congratulations, sir, you made the right choice.
- It doesn't work.
- What do you mean, it doesn't work?
- It doesn't cut off the dragon's head.
- Did you read the instructions, sir?
- A noble knight is not obliged to know how to read! But my squire read them aloud to me twice.
- Okay, sir. Did you take the sword out of its scabbard?
- Yes.
- Are you sure? Please check.
- I took it out, I'm telling you!
- Okay, sir. Now check the sharpness of the blade.
- Ouch!
- You shouldn't have done that with your finger, sir.
- What does my finger have to do with it? I did it with my tongue. I always check the sharpness of dishes that way.
- You see, sir, a sword is arranged somewhat differently than the dishes you taste at dinner. The term "sharpness" has a different meaning here...
- Don't confuse me! I'm not obliged to understand your technical terms. I'm a user, not a hardware specialist. Just tell me why it doesn't work!
- Did it work before?
- I don't know, I only bought it yesterday!
- Okay, sir. Did you do anything to it?
- No!
- Are you sure about that?
- Well, I only took it out of its scabbard.
- Did you try to sharpen it yourself?
- Why would I?
- You should know, sir. Maybe you tried to install new spells on it?
- No, I use the standard ones that come with the sword!
- Maybe it's a curse, sir? When did you last update your holy water?
- I just poured in a fresh version the day before yesterday!
- I see, sir. Then look around for any unshielded sources of black magic. They can interfere with the sword's operation.
- What other sources, I'm in the desert!
- Don't get nervous, sir.
- I'm not nervous, damn it!
- Then why are you breathing so heavily?
- Because a dragon is chasing me.
- Ah, so there's a dragon nearby?
- Yes, it's right behind me!
- Excellent, sir. Put him on the phone.
- What if he bites off my hand?
- Sorry, sir, but medical problems are outside our area of expertise.
- Next time, I'll buy a sword from "Morgana, Ltd"!
- Okay, sir. At least describe what the dragon looks like.
- Well, it's yellow... with whiskers...
- I see. We should have started with that, sir. It's a non-licensed dragon, a Chinese counterfeit.
- And?
- Read the license agreement, sir. "Merlin, Inc." does not guarantee compatibility with uncertified devices.
- And what should I do now?
- Don't use cheap, no-name dragons anymore, sir.
- It looks like it's going to use me now! Aaa! No! Aaaaa!...
- Sir? Sir, are you okay?... In any case, "Merlin, Inc." thanks you for your cooperation!