A village. An old woman is making moonshine. A hungover neighbor walks by, thinking, "I'll go see the old woman; maybe she'll give me some to help with my hangover." He goes in, and the old woman says to him, "Dear, keep an eye on the moonshine while I go to the store for sugar. If anything happens, just add some water." The water is running low, so the neighbor goes to get more. He returns, and there are police officers. "Well, sit down and write a statement about what happened." The neighbor writes the statement and gives it to the police. They read it: "I left my house and saw smoke coming from my neighbor's house. I thought there was a fire. I grabbed a bucket of water and ran over, and there were police officers making moonshine." At the police station: - Citizen! We received another report that you are beating your wife! - But I explained that that's just how we have sex. - But it says here that you knocked out all her teeth! - I choose safe sex! In a cafe, a local police officer, a riot police officer, and a traffic cop are having dinner. The waiter, while writing the bill, thinks: - Our local police officer, the cafe is in his district, so I'll give him a 20% discount. The riot police officer is also a good guy; maybe I'll need to ask him for help someday, so I'll give him a 50% discount. As for me, I sometimes break traffic laws, and my job sometimes requires me to drive home after drinking, so I won't charge the traffic cop for dinner. The local police officer and the riot police officer pay and leave, and the traffic cop sits there. After 10-15 minutes, the waiter turns to the traffic cop: - Did you know that someone paid for you? The traffic cop: - Yes, I'm waiting for my change!