2Zeratul: Thank you!

I also want to thank the administration – I’m encountering for the first time that on a forum, flowers are personally sent to users as a congratulation. It was pleasant, I have no words)))

P.S.: Regarding Dinhot’s text – I understand that this is the one about the dwarf caravan? I will probably give it a review tomorrow... I wanted to do it today – I wrote for two hours, and then I accidentally pressed something, and the page jumped to another one, and all the text disappeared... I almost broke my computer. I’m very angry... sorry...

Now, for the edits:

Finally, after all these years, he had the opportunity to see them, of course, only after completing the task.

A comma is missing after “of course”...

Albin climbed down to the ground, and as soon as he passed through the sphere, it dissolved.

??! I read it over and over, but I still couldn’t understand the sentence...

The staircase led him further down, winding like a snake, and finally led to an exit – a small opening that, from a distance, could have looked like an arch.

I added commas where needed...

He walked under it, and it immediately became brighter.

So, the opening could have looked like an arch, or was it definitely an arch?

Before, it was as dark as night, and only during the day did thin rays of light bounce off the ceiling onto the rocky floor.

“As night” is a comparison – highlight it with commas...

But after the Axe War, when these lands began to be developed, a lady always traveled with the workers who were building the roads.

It turns out that the lady traveled with the roads that were being built by the workers... At least correct it like this:
But after the Axe War, when these lands began to be developed, the lady always traveled with the workers who were building the roads.

Albin went further; the roads of the elves were quite busy, so simply walking along them, after some time, one could already travel in a carriage.

That is, I understand correctly – first the road is narrow, only for pedestrians, and then it becomes wider and a carriage can already pass? Do elves and everyone else have to leave their carriages before reaching the arch-opening-exit and continue on foot?
I suggest rewriting it:
Albin went further; the roads of the elves were quite busy – so that both a pedestrian and a carriage could easily travel.

Albin was lucky; when he reached the main road, he saw a caravan standing there. He loaded his crossbow, just in case they were bandits.

I added the missing commas...

And he walked towards them with quick steps, so that his gray cloak billowed behind him.

It should be “billowed” – from the word “to billow,” not “development”...

When he approached the camp, he saw dwarves; it’s strange, they have withdrawn into seclusion.

“When he approached the camp” is a participial phrase; highlight it with a comma.

Well, the main thing is that now I can get to Glenger much faster.

Is this what Albin is thinking, or is he saying it? Commas or dashes are needed...

When Albin wanted to approach the camp, a hand of a huge dwarf fell on his shoulder, so heavy that Albin almost fell under its weight.

Albin is tall.

- Where are you going? – the bass of the dwarf rumbled, twice as high as that of an ordinary dwarf.

A comma is needed before “than.” It’s a comparison.

- I’m going to the main one; I want to travel with you to Glenger. – he said, barely catching his breath from the weight.

“Barely catching his breath from the weight” is a participial phrase; highlight it with commas...

- Eh – he waved his hand – you’ve come, old man, – he shouted so that the ground trembled, and went away.

A comma is needed after “ground”...

From somewhere, a stocky dwarf with a white beard, billowing in the wind as he ran, ran out.

See the note about the cloak...

-

I would like to travel with you to Glenger. – and, overtaking this dwarf, he said – I can become your personal guard.

Highlight “overtaking this dwarf” with commas... It’s an introductory phrase.

One of them rushed at the huge dwarf and, tearing off his left arm, was thrown against a stone and breathed his last.

Highlight “tearing off his left arm” with commas. You can’t throw something “at a stone.” You can throw it “on a stone” or “against a stone.” You can throw something “into the water” so that the body is submerged in it... These are errors in the text, but in general, the sentence needs to be revised – it doesn’t make sense to me personally (I’m not responsible for others)... I still need to think about it...

Another, tearing apart several dwarves, rushed at the elder, but only a severed head with a bolt piercing it flew to his feet.

Highlight “tearing apart several dwarves” with commas; a comma is also needed before “but.” Hmm... firstly, the sentence is constructed in such a way that “to his feet” refers to the demon

Another (he), tearing apart several dwarves, rushed at the elder (that one), but to his (he, his...) feet...
Replace “But to the dwarf’s feet” then there will definitely be no inconsistencies with this)

Secondly, I can’t imagine how a head can be cut off with a crossbow bolt. Or did Albin first shoot, and then ran up and cut it off? You need to describe it accordingly, otherwise it’s too fast, as if frames from a filmstrip were cut out...

That’s all for now. In general, I liked it. The dwarves turned out to be very colorful with their dialogues and conversations, and in general, the description of the journey is at a good level, but the fight was lacking. It started well and ended badly. Rewrite, correct, add))

Sincerely, Simas