Loken
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..
Yeah, I guess it was a bit harsh. Sorry. Maybe I'm just so fed up that I really wanted to be rude and then apologize. Well, I'm a jerk now. So, mission accomplished.
...
..
I'm tired.
Not physically, but emotionally. I don't experience many emotions during the day. I feel a certain emptiness these days. Our era is hopeless...
... Today, I saw a film that vividly embodied the thoughts that have been bothering me for a long time. A man told a woman that her life was dull and empty because she was just an ordinary person. Breakfast, work, dinner, TV, sleep. And so on, all her life. I've been thinking about this for several years. Today, it just threw me off balance. And yesterday, all this was just building up. All sorts of nonsense. I can clearly feel, almost physically, your attitude towards me right now. Well, whatever. I deserve it.
... ..
I'm sitting here, drinking my umpteenth cup of tea. The taste of sugar has settled on my tongue. It's bitter. Strangely enough. I'm also going to the military enlistment office in the morning. Not for good, thankfully. Or maybe it's a shame. Right now, I'm in one of those states where I just want to get drunk. And I don't care about anything anymore...
In principle, I'm just wasting my time here, pouring out my thoughts. You could say I'm baring my soul. Usually, people aren't interested in that. Except maybe sometimes. I'm being rude again, even if unintentionally. Maybe I've offended someone. Well, sorry...
..
Yeah, I guess I look pathetic right now... But what can you do?
In half an hour, I'll be feeling angry about all of this. And about the fact that I'm rambling here, and about the overwhelming melancholy. I'm tired.
But reading the story about the old man and the bread, I was genuinely happy. At least someone had a good day today. And here I am, sitting here, writing all this nonsense... and I have a lump in my throat.
Added 18 minutes later
And I understand that this will at best cause a smirk. Maybe no one will say anything. Or maybe someone will. About this pathetic, just pathetic state. Someone will probably accuse me of ruining the mood of others. And they will be right, in a way, even if they don't understand the essence. Maybe someone will say, "Who are you, anyway? We don't care."
That's really true...
"Just a simple country boy."
A boy who tried to understand something, to change something...
But...
Who is he, really? Just another ordinary person in the vast ocean of generations, characters, and opinions? Another product of society? Another quickly suppressed dissatisfied person? A person who has always wanted to prove something to someone? Without even realizing it? Or maybe just another low-grade philosophizing gray man? A little man? From the general faceless mass? Whose life goal is unattainable? Who thinks he's something special and shows off his contrived thoughts?
..read.
Ksel.
Elephant.
Who else? Read, sneer, feel disgust. It's your right. I feel disgust for myself right now.
Yeah, I guess it was a bit harsh. Sorry. Maybe I'm just so fed up that I really wanted to be rude and then apologize. Well, I'm a jerk now. So, mission accomplished.
...
..
I'm tired.
Not physically, but emotionally. I don't experience many emotions during the day. I feel a certain emptiness these days. Our era is hopeless...
... Today, I saw a film that vividly embodied the thoughts that have been bothering me for a long time. A man told a woman that her life was dull and empty because she was just an ordinary person. Breakfast, work, dinner, TV, sleep. And so on, all her life. I've been thinking about this for several years. Today, it just threw me off balance. And yesterday, all this was just building up. All sorts of nonsense. I can clearly feel, almost physically, your attitude towards me right now. Well, whatever. I deserve it.
... ..
I'm sitting here, drinking my umpteenth cup of tea. The taste of sugar has settled on my tongue. It's bitter. Strangely enough. I'm also going to the military enlistment office in the morning. Not for good, thankfully. Or maybe it's a shame. Right now, I'm in one of those states where I just want to get drunk. And I don't care about anything anymore...
In principle, I'm just wasting my time here, pouring out my thoughts. You could say I'm baring my soul. Usually, people aren't interested in that. Except maybe sometimes. I'm being rude again, even if unintentionally. Maybe I've offended someone. Well, sorry...
..
Yeah, I guess I look pathetic right now... But what can you do?
In half an hour, I'll be feeling angry about all of this. And about the fact that I'm rambling here, and about the overwhelming melancholy. I'm tired.
But reading the story about the old man and the bread, I was genuinely happy. At least someone had a good day today. And here I am, sitting here, writing all this nonsense... and I have a lump in my throat.
Added 18 minutes later
And I understand that this will at best cause a smirk. Maybe no one will say anything. Or maybe someone will. About this pathetic, just pathetic state. Someone will probably accuse me of ruining the mood of others. And they will be right, in a way, even if they don't understand the essence. Maybe someone will say, "Who are you, anyway? We don't care."
That's really true...
"Just a simple country boy."
A boy who tried to understand something, to change something...
But...
Who is he, really? Just another ordinary person in the vast ocean of generations, characters, and opinions? Another product of society? Another quickly suppressed dissatisfied person? A person who has always wanted to prove something to someone? Without even realizing it? Or maybe just another low-grade philosophizing gray man? A little man? From the general faceless mass? Whose life goal is unattainable? Who thinks he's something special and shows off his contrived thoughts?
..read.
Ksel.
Elephant.
Who else? Read, sneer, feel disgust. It's your right. I feel disgust for myself right now.
Первый, кто был забанен за Правду.