What if we tried to create a movie script together!

In the evening of the same day, after such a sorrowful task as burying the fallen and delivering the wounded to the infirmary, Silbern decided to take a walk through the grove.

Move the first comma (after "работы" before "как") so that it is immediately after "работы" without a space. Remove the comma after "павших" and place it after "раненых," before "Силберном."

He wanted to rest from today's worries: listen to the chirping of crickets, watch the nocturnal moths, sit near a clear spring. Walking through the grove, he could not get today's attack out of his head.

There is a repetition of the pronoun in adjacent sentences. Replace the second one with "elf" or "Silbern."

The young elf rightly decided that since there was a guard here, it was not safe to be here.

It should be "находиться2." The question is - what to do?

The guard usually consisted of camouflaged archers who had orders to eliminate anyone who tried to cross the forest border.

Really, anyone? Are the elves hermits in their forest? Can't they go out to a clearing or to a town to trade goods with humans? And what about the previous mentions that the elves are at war with others because humans, dwarves, and others are cutting down their forest? Who do they let through if anyone who tries to cross the forest is ordered to be eliminated? There is an inconsistency here... Rewrite it at least like this:

The guard usually consisted of camouflaged archers who had orders to detain and interrogate anyone suspicious who tried to cross the forest border.

And anyone can be a suspicious person. Dwarves, humans just because they are not elves... and elves, because it is suspicious that he is wandering near the edge of the forest, and not where elves should be...

Being by nature not a very cheerful and not a bored elf, he suddenly wanted to hide and playfully scare the one who came.

I'm sitting here thinking about the meaning of the phrase "not very cheerful and not a bored elf"... the first contradicts the other. Not very cheerful - someone who is not used to having fun, not a bored elf - someone who is used to having fun... IMHO, but it should be:

Being by nature not very cheerful, but also not a bored elf, he...

something like that, plus a comma after "elf."

That's all for now. If there is more, we will consider the vampires in more detail