What if we tried to create a movie script together!

Zeratul, everything is fine, but I would like to discuss a few points:

1.

Mind merge is a very unpleasant procedure, when a mage must realize his astral personality in the brain of another, create his virtual double, possessing all the abilities of the original, placing it in the head of another.

“Brain” sounds ugly; I think “consciousness” is better. Secondly, “another” is repeated twice. I suggest the following:

Mind merge is a very unpleasant procedure, when a mage must realize his astral personality in the consciousness of another, create his virtual double, possessing all the abilities of the original, placing it in the head of the interlocutor.

2.

Let's find messengers among our close associates, whom we can trust to take the Talisman to the Great Circle of Power, which is in the Dragon Mountains.

Why so many unnecessary words? Sorry. Better like this:

Let's find messengers among our close associates, whom we can trust to take it to the cave of Silvius (a dragon familiar with the archmage, who fought with him in the Dragon Mountains during the first demon war), which is in the Dragon Mountains. IMHO.

3.

“So – Merge!” suddenly cried out the forest elf.

Better: proclaimed.

In general, I only found these.