His servants, acolytes of the first and second levels, could barely keep up with their teacher, being in complete confusion about the haste of this highly respected master, one of the Pillars of the mighty Order of Guardians.
I added a comma after "second level," and replaced "поспевали" with "поспевала." After all, it was the servants who were keeping up.
If it weren't for the message delivered twenty minutes ago by a forest elf post dragon to his private chambers, urging him to immediately visit the Advisory Chamber due to very important and serious circumstances, would he have allowed himself, in his advanced years, to jump around like a mischievous boy in front of his students and colleagues, many of whom had also graduated from this Academy in his department, rushing here? But such requests from his fellow Pillars of the Order of Guardians were extremely rare and concerned only very important and serious events occurring in Draconia.
So, I understand the letter was sent by Hilael, right? Because it is stated that the letter was delivered by a forest elf post dragon...
"You summoned me, brother?" – the question of the Dark Elf arose in the Archmage's mind.
This is the Dark Elf speaking...
"Yes, brother. Our Hilael has very important information." – Trent's face was contorted in a spasm.
And again, it's Trent, who is the Dark Elf... Is he answering himself?
"So important that he decided to convene the Council? And you agreed? What could this herbalist possibly have that is important? He'll probably start ranting about an attack on his beloved forests!" - the Dark One asked angrily.
Is this a monologue by Trent, the Dark Elf, continuing?
As if responding to some spell, the image of the Light Elf Hilael appeared in the mental field...
The dragon brought a letter from the forest elves, but Hilael is a Light Elf? Are "Light" and "forest" synonyms in the book, or is this an oversight by the author?
blood was flowing from the scratched left cheek.
"Don't talk nonsense, brother," Hilael said with contempt, "we all felt the death of each of us instantly.
After "felt," it would be appropriate to add "бы" - the death of each of us, we all would have felt it instantly.
They were destroyed quite quickly, but then a cloud of Death struck the sentries who had revealed themselves.
Who struck? And is "по обнаружившим себя дозорным" perhaps an introductory phrase that should be set off with commas? I just didn't quite understand this sentence...
And, by the way, what are "secrets"? Are the sentries (towers) meant?
He has recently gravitated towards the Cult of Death, and the undead attack – is this not a link in the same chain?
The second part of the sentence: "And the undead attack – is this not a link in the same chain?" sounds like a question. Like:
:
"Eating ice cream – is that not happiness?"
Please consider the sentence. Perhaps it can be rephrased to avoid using a question mark at the end. Or split the sentence into two.
If the Underworld gets this Talisman, the lords of Inferno will find the body and give it to the Bodiless One.
Is this referring to the one who is "without a body"? Could "bodiless" be used?
Our races are strong now, but strong individually.
Is this sentence correct?... Because later it says:
We will not be able to unite again, and the demons, in alliance with the undead, will crush us one by one.
In general, this is also a little unclear to me personally...
That's all. For now, there are no more questions or corrections...
Sincerely, Simas.
