Zeratul
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I'm a girl. That's one.
And can we skip the "colleague"? Just a nickname is enough. That's two.
The young elf, Albin, wiped the blood from his sword. Recently, at the School of the Invisible Hand, he was given a contract killing as a reward for being a gifted student. A certain woman was willing to pay up to a thousand coins for this task; the amount depended on how the assassination went. Now, next to the elf, whose eyes were as black and bottomless as Silanna's, lay under the shade of a tree a man – dressed quite decently. The last thing left to do was for Albin to wave his knife, and in his hand remained the man's finger with a ring. Proof that he was killed.
It would take several days to reach Glenger. Night had fallen, and our hero decided to spend the night in a tavern. In the morning, after breakfast and watching a couple of fights, he went to the city, where he was expected. He needed to reach the underground passage that day, and then it would be easier.
On the way, Albin kept examining the ring. Although assassins are not supposed to know who the murdered person is and what the assassin's motives are, this elf was different. A stone was set in the platinum ring. It was red, so bright that Albin's eyes ached at first. The whole thing was covered with runes and very strange ornaments, resembling demonic ones. The young man hid the ring in his pocket and continued on his way...
***
Regarding the words highlighted in red:
I suggest alternative wording:
Dazzling red, dazzling purple, rich crimson... or other options... Just "red" is too simple. IMHO.
Regarding the demonic glyphs... Does Albin often see demonic writings? Maybe write:
The whole thing was covered with runes and very strange ornaments, unlike any known to the young elf...
I'm inclined to think that since the elf is young, he couldn't have known about demonic writings yet. If he studied them at school, then it should be mentioned. Then it could be:
The whole thing was covered with runes and very strange ornaments, resembling demonic ones, which were once mentioned at school.
.
Now, regarding the draft.
I've highlighted in red the places that don't sound quite right.
"They gave him a contract killing" - Colleague is using the realities of today. We are describing the Middle Ages. If we are going to use today's vocabulary, then it would be more correct to say "a contract for murder," otherwise it sounds like murder is a thing that can be given.
"Now, next to the elf... lay under..." It turns out that the murderer was lying next to his victim. Readers might have incorrect associations about such a ritual. I think it would be better to say: "Under the feet of the young elf... lay next to..." - this usually indicates a vertical position in this case of the elf.
Regarding the runes - I agree with Simas, but in general, schools initially teach literacy (I'm saying this as a teacher), so the elf might not have known, but could associatively guess about the origin of the runes.
But that's just a side note.
Colleagues, I'll take on the task of developing the human race.