Loken
Auto-translated
Boyan, and not even fully. Here is the punchline:
Once every six months, the dark forces gather for a sabbath known as the session. During this time, students are ordered to observe a beer fast and lead a righteous life. It is especially useful to read ancient books in a chanting tone: the epic saga "Integral," the collection of poems "Macroeconomics." It is good to recall ancient legends, such as the "Russo-Japanese War" or "Sociology of Small Groups," told to you by your Teacher. It is very important that these be the legends of *your* Teacher specifically; only from them can the truth be learned.
One may turn to the tales of other peoples, for example, "My very first (and truly last!) book on philosophy/biology/geography".
During the session, one should pray fervently to Freebie and her servants.
As a rule, for every demon there is a guardian spirit; for instance, the wise Mozhetri opposes Etodva, Samdurak will help you in your struggle against the Research Supervisor, and Nupozha helps in the banishment of the Fail.
Students also have their own heroes and legends, holidays and traditions, but this work is too small to contain them.
And a bit more:
Student Classifications
Freshman
Timid. Reacts sensitively to affection and pastries in the lobby. Prefers to stay in groups of 15-20 individuals. Their attitude toward the student ID is reverent, occasionally turning into religious ecstasy. The grade book is opened daily immediately after brushing teeth, during which an unrestrained joy appears in their eyes. They arrive at classes 20–25 minutes before the university opens; however, they confuse the 1st and 2nd weeks, so they are late anyway. Sleep is nervous and shallow. Often falls out of bed.
Speech is articulate and clear. Upon mention of words such as SESSION, STRENGTH OF MATERIALS, and PHYSICAL EDUCATION, they experience animal fear and behave like an African ostrich. Habitat: all types of libraries and student cafeterias. Purpose of existence: to obtain all books from the recommended reading list by any means necessary.
Sophomore
Brash, hungry, and loud-mouthed. Reacts only to edible things. Engages in contact purely out of mercenary motives. Rarely forms groups, but if they do, it's haphazardly. The student ID is used as a personal protective device against conductors, receptionists, janitors, and intrusive policemen. They clearly understand the difference between the 1st and 2nd weeks, yet they are still late. The choice of lectures to attend happens randomly: by guesswork.
Sleep is deep, childlike, with full-screen colored dreams at a resolution of 800 x 600 in True color mode. Speech: can be deciphered if one wishes, but the wish must be sufficiently strong. Still fears the session, but regularly scares freshmen with it, observing with interest as they resemble an African ostrich. Habitat: closer to food; therefore, numbers in the queue for pies are reserved back during lectures. Purpose of existence: obtaining term papers and labs from upperclassmen.
Junior
Pensive—an inevitable consequence of frequent play of DOOM. Rarely yields to provocations involving food; suspicious. In case of danger, the index finger of the right hand begins to twitch in search of the mouse button. The student ID is often lost, then found and celebrated with drinks. On weekends and holidays, some students get lost several times. Attends the institute regularly: for the scholarship. Sleep is deep. They sleep rarely. At night they tinker with the computer, where they eventually fall asleep.
Speech is fast, incoherent, almost indistinguishable, abundant in non-standard own vocabulary such as: HACKER, LAMER, USER. Fear (not only of the session) is atrophied. Habitat: closer to a source of beer. During the session, a migration to the dean's office occurs, from where groans, sobs, and stories about sick grandmothers immediately begin to emanate. Purpose of existence: to find all books from the recommended reading list taken during the first year and return them.
Senior
They huddle in groups that allow all members to stand firmly on their feet. They enter lectures by chance. Once there, they refine their technique in playing battleship, tic-tac-toe, dots and boxes, and DOOM over the network. To the question "Where is your student ID?" they answer "I don't know, I didn't eat it." Sleep: they sleep soundly. They snore, which greatly upsets the professors. They dream exclusively about their specialization. Speech: communicate as equals with Tibetan monks and certain policemen. Fear forgetting the date of the exam submission. Habitat: the shot glass bar in the "KOLOBOK" restaurant. Main goal—to find a diploma for free.
Fifth-Year Student
The highest activity is observed during exams. Then the density can reach 1 person. The question "What is a lecture?" leaves them stumped. Sleep: emerges from hibernation 3 months before submitting the diploma; after submission, falls into a lethargic sleep. Speech: by the end of the 5th year, they have mastered 3-4 programming languages to perfection, as a result of which they completely forget Russian. Fear not managing to get a medical exemption certificate before graduating from university. Habitat: everywhere, often and regularly. Main goal—to make sense of the free diploma.
And more:
Student Classification by another criterion.
Genius Student.
Male individuals are encountered approximately 3-4 times less frequently than females. It must be noted that the species is nearly extinct, and only occasionally do new individuals replenish its ranks due to dispersal from schools. The species is quite good, but usually does not gain popularity in the group. Main trait: knows everything. Records all lectures, prepares for every seminar. Has a very large mental potential, which is why they are called genius. Comes to practical classes with additional literature, yet very rarely begins to speak. This indicates weak creative development and a lack of any interest other than studying. Other students treat them very well, as this species very often helps them, letting them copy assignments. The Genius Student practically cannot imagine how one could exist without notes and literature, and the thought that a lecture might not be written down, let alone skipped, does not even occur to this species. At the bottom of the group at 3 AM, when a bunch of drunk students have collapsed to sleep in incomprehensible shapes, the Genius Student manages to talk about something scientific. Receives almost all exams automatically. This species can be heavily traumatized morally if they receive a "good" on an exam, although this happens extremely rarely.
Diligent Student.
Male individuals are encountered 2 times less frequently than females. This species makes up approximately 50% of the total participants. Such wide distribution can only be due to the student's good compatibility with other species and sufficiently high mental abilities. Main trait: attends all lectures and practicals, prepares moderately and does not strain themselves too much, but does everything assigned. Understands the main points of the material without prior rote learning. This species often reincarnates into a Capable Free-rider. Usually well-developed creatively, though not enough for the level of a Capable Free-rider. Attends most extracurricular activities, but behaves stiffly at them. Passes exams as "good" or "excellent".
Moderate Bison.
Male individuals are encountered extremely rarely. The Moderate Bison is a descendant of the Diligent Student. As a result of evolution, the Moderate Bison has lower mental abilities, but tries to compensate for this deficiency with intensified study of the material. This species most often inhabits a strange place called the dorm, although urban Moderate Bisons are also found. Main trait: after classes goes to the dorm, where they constantly study. Uses only basic literature to study less. Has practically no respect in the group, as they do not let others copy and say they know nothing. It is difficult to get along with other species, as they hate the Genius Student and try to completely drive them out. Other species also do not actively communicate with the Moderate Bison. On exams usually receives "excellent" or "good". However, preparation for the exam can be a quite difficult stage.
Full Bison.
Male individuals are encountered extremely rarely. This species is a mutant of the Moderate Bison. Has low mental abilities, tries to compensate for this deficiency with intensified study of literature, which happens with great complications. Inhabits the dorm, very rarely in the urban zone. Main trait: navigates lecture material very poorly without prior study and own rote learning; prepares for practically all classes. Gets along normally only with the Moderate Bison. Other species view them critically. The Full Bison himself looks upon the Genius Student with envy and does not enter into contact with Free-riders and Indifferentists. Receives no respect in the group. Creative professors also dislike this species. Does not miss classes, writes all lectures, yet usually passes exams as "good" or "satisfactory".
Audacious Student.
The Audacious Student is a predatory species, but easily fits into the collective. Usually attacks Professors. Has average mental potential, but believes it should not be wasted on subjects. Has acquaintances in the institute, or studies on a commercial basis. If necessary, the Audacious Student runs to the Dean and asks for an investigation, although this happens extremely rarely. Attends lectures inconsistently, but is present for most of them. Main trait: almost always sure that they are right, and even if they are wrong, they maintain their positions out of principle. Usually behaves calmly in lectures and practicals. On exams receives "satisfactory", "good" or "excellent", depending on the type of Professor. Has problems only with a Principled Professor.
Common Sycophant.
Male individuals are encountered very rarely. Attends all lectures and practicals. Has average mental abilities. Main trait: wields a strange object called a rag, mops the floor after classes. Every Professor has their own opinion of these students. Gets along well with all professors, however, a Creative Professor and a Prankster Professor can cause serious problems in the form of jokes and assignments. The Common Sycophant usually sits in the front rows during lectures and practicals. Pretends to have their own opinion on every question. Loves to reason through every issue, enter into discussions with Professors and students of other species. Pretends that this subject is the most important for them and even in their free time they engage exclusively in it. Difficult to fit into the collective. They are not liked by Bisons or Free-riders; Indifferentists and Audacious Students mock them. Usually gets along with the Genius Student and Diligent Student. In lectures, this species loves to ask questions about practically every topic. Preparation for the exam goes relatively calmly. On the exam usually receives "good" or "excellent".
Capable Free-rider.
This species is very sparsely distributed. Male individuals are encountered 2-3 times more frequently than females. Distinguished by high mental abilities. Very strongly developed creatively. Main trait: misses almost all lectures and most practicals, yet on those they attended, they receive "satisfactory", "good" or "excellent". Practically does not study in a normal way. As a rule, has a computer at home, engages in music, design, earns money. This species is very popular among the collective. Almost everyone loves them except Bisons. Communicates perfectly with everyone, using their mental potential, charm, and creative thinking. Raises their authority by printing reports, essays, finding term papers, typing for teachers, organizing contests, concerts, helping the dean's office. Capable Free-riders are loved by almost all Professors. They are exempted from most term papers and receive several exams automatically. Other exams are passed as "satisfactory", "good" or excellent, however, they rarely receive a scholarship.
Common Free-rider.
This species is distributed quite widely. Has average mental abilities. Poorly developed creatively. Main trait: almost all lectures and most practicals missed; has debts from the previous session. Usually lives in the dorm. Communicates normally with the collective. Gets very drunk before the session. However, either pays for exams or passes them on the second or third attempt.
Common Indifferentist.
Male individuals are encountered more frequently than females. Has low mental abilities. Very poorly developed creatively. Main trait: almost all lectures and practical classes missed; has debts from the previous session. Very often goes on academic leave. Rarely finishes their studies at the institute.
Once every six months, the dark forces gather for a sabbath known as the session. During this time, students are ordered to observe a beer fast and lead a righteous life. It is especially useful to read ancient books in a chanting tone: the epic saga "Integral," the collection of poems "Macroeconomics." It is good to recall ancient legends, such as the "Russo-Japanese War" or "Sociology of Small Groups," told to you by your Teacher. It is very important that these be the legends of *your* Teacher specifically; only from them can the truth be learned.
One may turn to the tales of other peoples, for example, "My very first (and truly last!) book on philosophy/biology/geography".
During the session, one should pray fervently to Freebie and her servants.
As a rule, for every demon there is a guardian spirit; for instance, the wise Mozhetri opposes Etodva, Samdurak will help you in your struggle against the Research Supervisor, and Nupozha helps in the banishment of the Fail.
Students also have their own heroes and legends, holidays and traditions, but this work is too small to contain them.
And a bit more:
Student Classifications
Freshman
Timid. Reacts sensitively to affection and pastries in the lobby. Prefers to stay in groups of 15-20 individuals. Their attitude toward the student ID is reverent, occasionally turning into religious ecstasy. The grade book is opened daily immediately after brushing teeth, during which an unrestrained joy appears in their eyes. They arrive at classes 20–25 minutes before the university opens; however, they confuse the 1st and 2nd weeks, so they are late anyway. Sleep is nervous and shallow. Often falls out of bed.
Speech is articulate and clear. Upon mention of words such as SESSION, STRENGTH OF MATERIALS, and PHYSICAL EDUCATION, they experience animal fear and behave like an African ostrich. Habitat: all types of libraries and student cafeterias. Purpose of existence: to obtain all books from the recommended reading list by any means necessary.
Sophomore
Brash, hungry, and loud-mouthed. Reacts only to edible things. Engages in contact purely out of mercenary motives. Rarely forms groups, but if they do, it's haphazardly. The student ID is used as a personal protective device against conductors, receptionists, janitors, and intrusive policemen. They clearly understand the difference between the 1st and 2nd weeks, yet they are still late. The choice of lectures to attend happens randomly: by guesswork.
Sleep is deep, childlike, with full-screen colored dreams at a resolution of 800 x 600 in True color mode. Speech: can be deciphered if one wishes, but the wish must be sufficiently strong. Still fears the session, but regularly scares freshmen with it, observing with interest as they resemble an African ostrich. Habitat: closer to food; therefore, numbers in the queue for pies are reserved back during lectures. Purpose of existence: obtaining term papers and labs from upperclassmen.
Junior
Pensive—an inevitable consequence of frequent play of DOOM. Rarely yields to provocations involving food; suspicious. In case of danger, the index finger of the right hand begins to twitch in search of the mouse button. The student ID is often lost, then found and celebrated with drinks. On weekends and holidays, some students get lost several times. Attends the institute regularly: for the scholarship. Sleep is deep. They sleep rarely. At night they tinker with the computer, where they eventually fall asleep.
Speech is fast, incoherent, almost indistinguishable, abundant in non-standard own vocabulary such as: HACKER, LAMER, USER. Fear (not only of the session) is atrophied. Habitat: closer to a source of beer. During the session, a migration to the dean's office occurs, from where groans, sobs, and stories about sick grandmothers immediately begin to emanate. Purpose of existence: to find all books from the recommended reading list taken during the first year and return them.
Senior
They huddle in groups that allow all members to stand firmly on their feet. They enter lectures by chance. Once there, they refine their technique in playing battleship, tic-tac-toe, dots and boxes, and DOOM over the network. To the question "Where is your student ID?" they answer "I don't know, I didn't eat it." Sleep: they sleep soundly. They snore, which greatly upsets the professors. They dream exclusively about their specialization. Speech: communicate as equals with Tibetan monks and certain policemen. Fear forgetting the date of the exam submission. Habitat: the shot glass bar in the "KOLOBOK" restaurant. Main goal—to find a diploma for free.
Fifth-Year Student
The highest activity is observed during exams. Then the density can reach 1 person. The question "What is a lecture?" leaves them stumped. Sleep: emerges from hibernation 3 months before submitting the diploma; after submission, falls into a lethargic sleep. Speech: by the end of the 5th year, they have mastered 3-4 programming languages to perfection, as a result of which they completely forget Russian. Fear not managing to get a medical exemption certificate before graduating from university. Habitat: everywhere, often and regularly. Main goal—to make sense of the free diploma.
And more:
Student Classification by another criterion.
Genius Student.
Male individuals are encountered approximately 3-4 times less frequently than females. It must be noted that the species is nearly extinct, and only occasionally do new individuals replenish its ranks due to dispersal from schools. The species is quite good, but usually does not gain popularity in the group. Main trait: knows everything. Records all lectures, prepares for every seminar. Has a very large mental potential, which is why they are called genius. Comes to practical classes with additional literature, yet very rarely begins to speak. This indicates weak creative development and a lack of any interest other than studying. Other students treat them very well, as this species very often helps them, letting them copy assignments. The Genius Student practically cannot imagine how one could exist without notes and literature, and the thought that a lecture might not be written down, let alone skipped, does not even occur to this species. At the bottom of the group at 3 AM, when a bunch of drunk students have collapsed to sleep in incomprehensible shapes, the Genius Student manages to talk about something scientific. Receives almost all exams automatically. This species can be heavily traumatized morally if they receive a "good" on an exam, although this happens extremely rarely.
Diligent Student.
Male individuals are encountered 2 times less frequently than females. This species makes up approximately 50% of the total participants. Such wide distribution can only be due to the student's good compatibility with other species and sufficiently high mental abilities. Main trait: attends all lectures and practicals, prepares moderately and does not strain themselves too much, but does everything assigned. Understands the main points of the material without prior rote learning. This species often reincarnates into a Capable Free-rider. Usually well-developed creatively, though not enough for the level of a Capable Free-rider. Attends most extracurricular activities, but behaves stiffly at them. Passes exams as "good" or "excellent".
Moderate Bison.
Male individuals are encountered extremely rarely. The Moderate Bison is a descendant of the Diligent Student. As a result of evolution, the Moderate Bison has lower mental abilities, but tries to compensate for this deficiency with intensified study of the material. This species most often inhabits a strange place called the dorm, although urban Moderate Bisons are also found. Main trait: after classes goes to the dorm, where they constantly study. Uses only basic literature to study less. Has practically no respect in the group, as they do not let others copy and say they know nothing. It is difficult to get along with other species, as they hate the Genius Student and try to completely drive them out. Other species also do not actively communicate with the Moderate Bison. On exams usually receives "excellent" or "good". However, preparation for the exam can be a quite difficult stage.
Full Bison.
Male individuals are encountered extremely rarely. This species is a mutant of the Moderate Bison. Has low mental abilities, tries to compensate for this deficiency with intensified study of literature, which happens with great complications. Inhabits the dorm, very rarely in the urban zone. Main trait: navigates lecture material very poorly without prior study and own rote learning; prepares for practically all classes. Gets along normally only with the Moderate Bison. Other species view them critically. The Full Bison himself looks upon the Genius Student with envy and does not enter into contact with Free-riders and Indifferentists. Receives no respect in the group. Creative professors also dislike this species. Does not miss classes, writes all lectures, yet usually passes exams as "good" or "satisfactory".
Audacious Student.
The Audacious Student is a predatory species, but easily fits into the collective. Usually attacks Professors. Has average mental potential, but believes it should not be wasted on subjects. Has acquaintances in the institute, or studies on a commercial basis. If necessary, the Audacious Student runs to the Dean and asks for an investigation, although this happens extremely rarely. Attends lectures inconsistently, but is present for most of them. Main trait: almost always sure that they are right, and even if they are wrong, they maintain their positions out of principle. Usually behaves calmly in lectures and practicals. On exams receives "satisfactory", "good" or "excellent", depending on the type of Professor. Has problems only with a Principled Professor.
Common Sycophant.
Male individuals are encountered very rarely. Attends all lectures and practicals. Has average mental abilities. Main trait: wields a strange object called a rag, mops the floor after classes. Every Professor has their own opinion of these students. Gets along well with all professors, however, a Creative Professor and a Prankster Professor can cause serious problems in the form of jokes and assignments. The Common Sycophant usually sits in the front rows during lectures and practicals. Pretends to have their own opinion on every question. Loves to reason through every issue, enter into discussions with Professors and students of other species. Pretends that this subject is the most important for them and even in their free time they engage exclusively in it. Difficult to fit into the collective. They are not liked by Bisons or Free-riders; Indifferentists and Audacious Students mock them. Usually gets along with the Genius Student and Diligent Student. In lectures, this species loves to ask questions about practically every topic. Preparation for the exam goes relatively calmly. On the exam usually receives "good" or "excellent".
Capable Free-rider.
This species is very sparsely distributed. Male individuals are encountered 2-3 times more frequently than females. Distinguished by high mental abilities. Very strongly developed creatively. Main trait: misses almost all lectures and most practicals, yet on those they attended, they receive "satisfactory", "good" or "excellent". Practically does not study in a normal way. As a rule, has a computer at home, engages in music, design, earns money. This species is very popular among the collective. Almost everyone loves them except Bisons. Communicates perfectly with everyone, using their mental potential, charm, and creative thinking. Raises their authority by printing reports, essays, finding term papers, typing for teachers, organizing contests, concerts, helping the dean's office. Capable Free-riders are loved by almost all Professors. They are exempted from most term papers and receive several exams automatically. Other exams are passed as "satisfactory", "good" or excellent, however, they rarely receive a scholarship.
Common Free-rider.
This species is distributed quite widely. Has average mental abilities. Poorly developed creatively. Main trait: almost all lectures and most practicals missed; has debts from the previous session. Usually lives in the dorm. Communicates normally with the collective. Gets very drunk before the session. However, either pays for exams or passes them on the second or third attempt.
Common Indifferentist.
Male individuals are encountered more frequently than females. Has low mental abilities. Very poorly developed creatively. Main trait: almost all lectures and practical classes missed; has debts from the previous session. Very often goes on academic leave. Rarely finishes their studies at the institute.
Первый, кто был забанен за Правду.
