Humor in Heroes of Might and Magic V.

Author: jura-khan
Here's how heroes from different Factions would act if:

They come across a dead dog on their path.

- A Knight will wrinkle his nose in disgust and quickly pass by.
- A Mage will carefully examine the corpse for magical components to create minor artifacts.
- An Elf will bury the poor creature, loudly condemning the irresponsible attitude of other semi-intelligent races towards nature.
- A Dark Elf will whip the negligent slaves for not clearing the road of this filth in time.
- A Demon will salute the fallen comrade, extract the remaining mana from the corpse, and place traps around it before leaving.
- A Necromancer will order one of his soldiers: "Recruit this one."
- A Barbarian will check his bag. If there's still food left, he'll play soccer.
A fallen tree blocks the road.

- A Knight will pray to Erathia, asking him to grant his peasants magical strength, after which they will quickly saw it into firewood.
- An Academic will open a book and choose the most intricate spell, then calmly move it to another location with the power of his mind.
- An Elf will talk to the tree. Maybe it will agree to move to another location? Or will its companions move it?
- A Dark Elf will snap her snake whip, after which the Minotaurs will carry the mistress over the obstacle.
- A Demon will burn the tree. And also all the trees in the area, villages, Castles, towns, kill all the animals, birds, and other creatures, after which, with a sense of accomplishment, he will continue on his way.
- A Necromancer will stroll to the nearest cemetery.

He passes by a Tower with a princess imprisoned in it.

- A Knight will break into the Tower and save the princess.
- An Academic will pass by. Girls no longer interest him.
- An Elf will charm the beauty and spend the night with her, drinking wine and telling hunting stories.
- A Dark Elf will talk to her all night about how men are such jerks.
- A Demon will destroy the Tower and kill the princess. As well as everyone who gets in his way.
- A Necromancer will stroll to the nearest cemetery. He doesn't need a princess.

A bloodthirsty monster descends from the sky and attacks the hero:

- A Knight draws his trusty sword and kills the monster. After which, the peasants' "morale" sharply increases.
- An Academic doesn't get distracted by trivial things. Why, may I ask, does he always travel with Titans?
- An Elf hides, and after an hour of fruitless searching, the hungry monster goes away. Hopefully, without an arrow in its rear.
- A Dark Elf pays no attention. After all, this is HER pet Black Dragon, who just felt like playing.
- A Demon does what he always does. One more roasted carcass.
- A Necromancer doesn't care at all. He has already strolled to the cemetery.

If you say "Hello," you are answered:

- Greetings, noble sir. May the blessing of Erathia be upon you.
- How pleasant to meet in this wonderful, delightful place such a worthy and polite man.
- Ho, my pale-faced, pointy-eared friend.
- How dare you, worm, address a servant of Malassa without permission! Execute him!
- Aaaarrrggghhh!!! *after which you are killed. Just like that, as a warm-up*
- It's too late to worry about my health," replies the Necromancer, thoughtfully looking you up and down.

Author: Fagotin
Actions of heroes if they need to screw in a light bulb:

A Knight will not screw in a light bulb; he will train peasants to become electricians, and they will screw in all the light bulbs they can reach.

A Wizard will not screw in a light bulb; he will quickly assemble a glowing minor artifact and give it to the gremlins to carry and light up.

A Demon will not screw in a light bulb; he will burn everything in the room, as well as all the rooms in the area, villages, Castles, towns, kill all the animals, birds, and other creatures, after which, with a sense of accomplishment, he will continue to burn, enjoying the light of the fires.

An Elf will not screw in a light bulb; real Indians can see perfectly well in the dark.

A Warlock - while the Minotaurs screw in the light bulb, he will cast empowered light on it, so that in the surrounding villages they will think that a new sun has risen.

A Necromancer - why does this annoying light even exist?