☀️ Arselia and Akonia

Guyon woke up. It was dark. The light of the stars barely penetrated through the drawn curtains. The only sound was the even breathing of Beata, who was lying next to him. Everything was quiet and peaceful. He tried to fall back asleep, but couldn't. Images from his past kept flashing through his mind. Horrible memories of what he had done to please his mistresses. Apparently, some of these things he was ordered to forget; he preferred to get rid of others on his own. And now, unrestrained by anything, these episodes burst out, poisoning his sleep. He tried to drive these thoughts back into the darkest depths of his memory, but with little success. Several particularly repulsive moments flashed before his eyes. He almost threw up. As Eugene said, "Living in damnation"? Yes, that was definitely about him. And they also say that Beata is a sinner, a bandit, and a villain... For a brief moment, he wanted to end it all again, but... He looked at his beloved and thought. Perhaps he should tell her first. As if in response to his thoughts, Beata opened her eyes. "Why are you tossing and turning? It's night, go to sleep." "I... Sorry... I can't sleep..." "Hmm, why?" she sat up and looked at him worriedly. Guyon hesitated – should he tell her? Then he remembered her reaction when he tried to hide some painful moments. And he decided to tell the truth. "I remembered some... details... About what I did in Lower Lunaria..." "Like what?" Beata asked in a tone that brooked no argument. "Well..." As briefly and dryly as possible, he described a few of the less memorable moments, but judging by the grimace of disgust on Beata's face and the way she covered her mouth with her hand, that was enough. "Gods, what? They really made you do THAT?!" "And even worse, believe me, even worse..." "H-horrible... Maybe it really would have been better not to bring it up..." "Now I know what kind of person I really am. And you know. And I think..." He reached for the sword lying next to him. Beata sharply slapped his hand. "What's wrong with you?!" "After everything I've done, I don't know how I can look people in the eye! I don't want to... I don't want anything. I don't deserve to live." "You did. It was you." "Well..." "Guyosh, you're an idiot. I love you, but you're a rare kind of person who managed to live without a brain for over twenty years." "I..." "Remember what you told me tonight, huh? That I'm taking the blame for other people's crimes. Now use your head and think about what you're doing now." "This... I..." "I don't want to hear it. You've already described how the curse worked. You couldn't do anything, you just had to endure when they used you as they pleased. They forced you to do unimaginably vile things, and I understand that you haven't told me everything yet. No, I don't want to listen, I've had enough. But did you want to do it?" "No, of course not! But..." "Could you refuse?" "I don't think... I couldn't. I physically couldn't." "Well, that's all there is to it. If anyone is to blame, it's those pointy-eared bastards who come up with such brilliant ideas as... - she described in a few words what Guyon had told her, - I don't even know how such nonsense could come to mind and what's so fun about it." "Me too..." "Don't even think about blaming yourself for it. And the boss was right, let's leave the past in the past. You're a free man now, and you have the right to choose what to do, without regard to other people's opinions. It's time to start getting used to this." "You prepared me well," he smiled. "I tried. Now go to sleep. We have a lot to do tomorrow. If you have trouble sleeping, we'll visit the hospital or buy some pills. You're very strong, but there's nothing wrong with a little help." She hugged Guyon tightly and, after a couple of minutes, fell asleep again. He followed her example. The rest of the night was without nightmares.