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The Patriarch's reaction surprised Alaria. She had expected either silent rejection or attempts to comfort her. Instead, she received... the truth? Sincerity in response to sincerity. The man didn't sugarcoat things, but he looked deep into her soul and said everything as it was. And then he asked a rather unexpected question.
— Thank you for your honesty, Your Eminence," the girl initially wanted to indulge in another ritual of self-flagellation, but she stopped herself in time, "as for your question, sometimes I dream that I have already done it. I don't know if it's an embodiment of my fears, vague visions of the future, or fleeting memories of my future fate. To be honest, I would most likely take advantage of this opportunity. The reasons why I might refrain are, in general, prosaic: potential ostracism, harm to my loved ones, or some other side effects that complicate life. When one of my comrades fell victim to a similar curse, it was hard not to feel, for a split second, envy. It's hard not to feel envy towards sorcerers. Or some other creatures. Because, as you rightly pointed out, I am consumed by self-hatred. I feel weak. And I always want more. This act would only be another attempt to escape this feeling of weakness. But would it help? Only for a short time. I understand that too. Eventually, even that won't be enough. But even with this understanding, the temptation remains. And that's what I want to change about myself," the tanar'si's eyes lit up with firm determination, "all my life I have been running away from problems. You can see what that has done to my personality. I could try to run away today, but I still decided to break the habit that is familiar to me. Because if I live like this for even one day, or a thousand, the result will be the same, no matter where I am. And it is this desire to change that has brought me here to you. Not so that you can somehow magically change me, of course, but as a sign to myself. A sign of my willingness to change and overcome my nature, even if it costs me my existence. It's the first step of many, but it's something. If you don't mind, Your Eminence, allow me to ask you a question in return. Do you see in me what I see? Do you see my willingness to change for the better?