Ple-Sen
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— "Thank you, Your Eminence," the girl says, sitting down, taking the patriarch up on his offer. "The name of my home world is unknown to me. I cannot say whether this is a gap in my personal education or an oversight on the part of scholars. I hail from the continent of Enclesia, from a country called Tanarsis. In my homeland, according to official doctrine, everything was divided into black and white—good and evil. The eradication of the latter was the duty of the Inquisition, of which I was a member. The concept of evil was broad: it encompassed immediate threats like wild monsters and demons, as well as dissidents, heretics, and scholars holding 'inconvenient' views. I would be lying if I said I never doubted the righteousness of my actions even back then. Those doubts arose in my childhood. But when you voice those doubts to your parents and receive only coldness and reproach in return, over time you learn to keep them to yourself. You learn to drive such thoughts away. You tell yourself it is necessary for the greater good. Even when deep in your heart you understand that the 'heretic' is not exactly wrong.
— And so I was a faint-hearted executor of another’s will, deceiving myself and unable to contradict my commanders. But I longed for freedom from this. So sometimes, away from prying eyes, I would commit acts contrary to established dogma. It may sound like a display of love for freedom, but did it not make me even worse? After all, I did not even share the views I supposedly defended, yet lacked the courage to act otherwise. And all this while appearing to others as an 'exemplary inquisitor.' But no deception lasts forever. One day, through an act of defiance, I ruined the lives of myself and the person dearest to me at that time. Unlike me, he grew tired of living in lies and confessed to what we had done. In an instant, I lost everything. I lost my position. My friends. My parents turned away from me. I was publicly flogged. And I became an outcast in my hometown. I received my punishment. Though I deserved far worse. I wish I could leave all my deeds in Tanarsis behind, but what is done cannot be undone. It is something I will have to live with.
— At that time, leaving Tanarsis, all I felt was a burning hatred for myself, mixed with pangs of conscience. Hatred for what a fool I was. I indulged in self-destruction, while clinging to the dogmas drilled into my head. But even someone like me was welcomed with open arms by the Rheimish Empire. I even met someone there toward whom I began to feel warm feelings. Someone with whom I could have started a new life, had I not been so consumed by self-hatred. One way or another, I began a new life in the lands of the Empire, engaging in honest work. Sometimes I did simple labor. Sometimes I protected traveling merchants from monsters and bandits, using the skills I had acquired in my homeland for truly good deeds. Despite my poor emotional state, life was not turning out so badly. Especially for someone like me.
— Unfortunately, tragedy followed me even to this new place. Though my combat skills and the healing flame I commanded at the time saved many lives, there were still cases where my abilities were insufficient to protect those who had entrusted their fate to my hands. Perhaps the most striking instance of this, in my memory, occurred when I and other mercenaries were hired to accompany a historian on an expedition to one of the most dangerous places in southern Enclesia. He was a very wise and interesting conversationalist, who helped me understand much about myself and see the world in a new light. But I could not repay him with the same kindness. My strength and that of my comrades proved insufficient—only the historian’s son survived. Broken and surrounded by the bodies of his loved ones, he clutched his father’s corpse and wept. All because I was too weak. I overestimated my abilities and made a promise I could not keep. Innocent people paid for my mistake with their lives.
— I have not seen the historian’s son since, and I do not know how I could look him in the eye after all that. But I continued my life in the Rheimish Empire, occasionally receiving news that my friends and colleagues had died on another assignment. I personally witnessed the succession of the throne by Sonata Rheim, the first reigning empress, and the reforms that followed. Improvements in living standards and education. The abolition of the nobility. And the abandonment of many cruel practices, such as deadly arena fights. I myself, at that time, took a break from mercenary work and again took up simple labor. I even developed my culinary talents. I was tired of the death surrounding me. And perhaps I can call this period of my life the happiest. But I could not sit idle for long. However positive the empress’s reforms seemed to me, they did not please everyone. Some saw them as hasty and reckless, while others did not want to lose their power. This was exploited by her power-hungry brother, Tharius Rheim, who declared himself the rightful heir deprived of the throne. The situation in the Empire grew tense, and I realized it was my turn to repay the debt to the Empire that had so warmly welcomed me.
— To the best of my ability, I supported Sonata’s government. I helped investigate crimes where the guard could not keep up. I cleared the capital’s sewers of the monsters that had bred there, before they could emerge and threaten innocent lives. I gave my all to save the lands that had become my home and improve the lives of the Empire’s inhabitants. Of course, the work was risky, and I again had to come to terms with the unexpected deaths of comrades and loved ones. But it was through this service that I found my best friend, Elrina. A very kind, bright, talented, and strong-willed person. We saved each other from certain death many times. However, on my last mission—at least the last mission I remember—I lost her as well. She did not die, but... simply vanished, as if by the will of the malevolent entity we had encountered. Unfortunately, I do not remember what happened next. After arriving in your world, my memory has been poor. My head feels like it is in a fog. I do not even know how or why I died. I only remember futilely trying to find Elrina. How the conflict in the Empire ended, if it ended at all, I do not know. I am not even sure how much time has passed since my death.
— After that, I ended up here. I am not sure if I have the right to name the person who granted me existence in this world, but I think you know it anyway. After all, that person saved my life. My comrades and I were tasked with heading south and ridding this world of several monsters. At first glance, a noble mission. And on my part, it was only right to repay kindness with kindness. After coming face to face with some of those creatures, I was only confirmed that the goal was a good one. However, the process of the search itself weighed on me. We ended up in Calcite, about which you probably know more than I do. A kingdom where an unlucky enough person can be deemed property. And I understood that I was unable to improve the fate of those people. To save them. As a mere guest, sent for an entirely different purpose, I lacked the necessary funds or influence. It was not that I had never been to places with a similar system in my home world, but the feeling was still oppressive. Especially when Calcite continually tested you. When you found yourself in a difficult situation, it tempted you to compromise your conscience—for example, to track down runaway slaves in exchange for a generous reward.
— I avoided such temptations, but I cannot say I did so without the same faint-heartedness. As a stranger in this world, lacking command experience and unfamiliar with the customs, I did not show the proper resolve. Though perhaps I could have prevented my commander from making certain mistakes. In one situation, we could have intervened, saved a person from a grim fate, but we did not. We decided not to risk the mission, putting it first. And this was, unfortunately, not the only case. Toward the end of the journey, the situation repeated itself when, by fate's will, I happened to travel alone. There was no commander behind whose back I could take shelter. And the worst part was that soon after, I met a person who helped me out of the kindness of their heart. Where I least expected it, and they owed me nothing. It was hard not to feel that I did not deserve such kindness.
— Our expedition was not without other problems, which torment me and my surviving comrades to this day. Early in our journey, we encountered a dangerous sorcerer—one of the monsters. He lured naive travelers into a trap, then forced them to participate in deadly games. All to alleviate his own boredom. And his new entertainment turned out to be our group, each member emerging from the encounter with some life-crippling curse. In my case, the sorcerer stripped me of all my skills. As if by snapping his fingers, I forgot how to properly wield a sword. He also extinguished the flame that had burned in my soul. In an instant, I lost a very important aspect of myself, the importance of which I had not fully realized until that moment. As a warrior accustomed to protecting my comrades with the sword, I felt utterly useless. Dead weight. And the emptiness that replaced the flame felt wrong. I felt completely alien. As if I were not myself. As if I had lost something greater than mere skills. As if I had lost myself. I felt despair. Fear. Only by a miracle did I pull my will together, not wanting to lose to that villain. Besides, my comrades needed my support then too. Of our entire group, I was the only one who had bothered to learn the local language. I could at least help them with that, no matter how helpless I had become compared to my former self.
— During our further travels, I diligently tried to make up for lost ground. I trained hard with the sword. I even stumbled upon knowledge that allowed me to rekindle the flame I thought had been extinguished forever. But this flame was new. Vaguely familiar, yet different. And it was achieved differently. Before, I regarded my abilities as a tool. A convenient tool, but a tool. However, after what I went through... I don’t know. My new flame was achieved through harmony with natural energies. I am not even sure how best to describe it, but the feeling was new. Unfamiliar, yet pleasant. Soothing. It made me look at the world with different eyes. Feel truly at one with it. Even so, despite the progress I had made, it was hard not to look back at what I had lost.
— After three months, by the will of the sea, the mission unexpectedly came to an end. During its course, two of my comrades, in one way or another, lost their lives, while the last monster we were hunting managed to escape. When I was returning, I was tired and frightened, fully convinced that this time I had survived alone. I could not even look at the calmly swaying sea waves without fear, after what I had been through. I felt utterly broken, acting solely in defiance of the adversities that had befallen me. And upon my return... I was released from my debt. I was allowed to live my further life as I saw fit. It seemed a generous gift, for which I am sincerely grateful, but sometimes it is hard not to see it as pity for my current state. Like when a traumatized warrior is sent into retirement with honors. To some extent, it makes me feel even more useless.
— The following month I spent getting to know Margel. Studying local customs, wanting to better understand the place where I would have to live and its inhabitants. I found work, not wanting to sit idle and striving to become a productive member of society. In my free time, I tried to get myself into shape, physically and mentally, engaging in physical training and spending time in meditation, hoping to achieve harmony with myself and this world. Perhaps that is my plan for the future. I want to recover. I want to return to active duty. At least bring my skills to an acceptable level, but ideally hone my mastery. Overcome my inner demons and become a better person, so as not to repeat past mistakes. To become someone who can protect what is dear to them. And also help my comrade with his recovery, to the best of my ability. And then... if the person who gave me a second chance again needs my services for some noble purpose, and I feel that this time I will not disappoint the hopes placed in me, I will answer that call. Otherwise, I will continue my path to healing, while trying to be someone others can rely on in difficult times. Someone who repays kindness with kindness not just in words.
— As for the things that weigh on me, there are many. My past and the deeds I have committed weigh on me. I fear that even after so many years, I have not managed to become a worthy person. The mistakes I have made, which led to tragic consequences for others, weigh on me. The feeling of powerlessness and my own uselessness, the inability to protect those dear to me, which only worsened after the incident with that sorcerer, weighs on me. My own faint-heartedness, which keeps raising its ugly head, weighs on me. And cowardice, which makes even looking at the sea uncomfortable now. Sometimes I feel that no matter how hard I try to become better, I always return to where I started.
— That is my story, Your Eminence. You are probably the first person I have told all this, so forgive me if my account seems somewhat disjointed. It is very difficult to put my emotions into the right form or find the right words for them. I am not usually inclined to share my experiences with anyone so... directly and openly. I hope that even for someone like me, not all is lost. If not, I sincerely thank you for listening.
— And so I was a faint-hearted executor of another’s will, deceiving myself and unable to contradict my commanders. But I longed for freedom from this. So sometimes, away from prying eyes, I would commit acts contrary to established dogma. It may sound like a display of love for freedom, but did it not make me even worse? After all, I did not even share the views I supposedly defended, yet lacked the courage to act otherwise. And all this while appearing to others as an 'exemplary inquisitor.' But no deception lasts forever. One day, through an act of defiance, I ruined the lives of myself and the person dearest to me at that time. Unlike me, he grew tired of living in lies and confessed to what we had done. In an instant, I lost everything. I lost my position. My friends. My parents turned away from me. I was publicly flogged. And I became an outcast in my hometown. I received my punishment. Though I deserved far worse. I wish I could leave all my deeds in Tanarsis behind, but what is done cannot be undone. It is something I will have to live with.
— At that time, leaving Tanarsis, all I felt was a burning hatred for myself, mixed with pangs of conscience. Hatred for what a fool I was. I indulged in self-destruction, while clinging to the dogmas drilled into my head. But even someone like me was welcomed with open arms by the Rheimish Empire. I even met someone there toward whom I began to feel warm feelings. Someone with whom I could have started a new life, had I not been so consumed by self-hatred. One way or another, I began a new life in the lands of the Empire, engaging in honest work. Sometimes I did simple labor. Sometimes I protected traveling merchants from monsters and bandits, using the skills I had acquired in my homeland for truly good deeds. Despite my poor emotional state, life was not turning out so badly. Especially for someone like me.
— Unfortunately, tragedy followed me even to this new place. Though my combat skills and the healing flame I commanded at the time saved many lives, there were still cases where my abilities were insufficient to protect those who had entrusted their fate to my hands. Perhaps the most striking instance of this, in my memory, occurred when I and other mercenaries were hired to accompany a historian on an expedition to one of the most dangerous places in southern Enclesia. He was a very wise and interesting conversationalist, who helped me understand much about myself and see the world in a new light. But I could not repay him with the same kindness. My strength and that of my comrades proved insufficient—only the historian’s son survived. Broken and surrounded by the bodies of his loved ones, he clutched his father’s corpse and wept. All because I was too weak. I overestimated my abilities and made a promise I could not keep. Innocent people paid for my mistake with their lives.
— I have not seen the historian’s son since, and I do not know how I could look him in the eye after all that. But I continued my life in the Rheimish Empire, occasionally receiving news that my friends and colleagues had died on another assignment. I personally witnessed the succession of the throne by Sonata Rheim, the first reigning empress, and the reforms that followed. Improvements in living standards and education. The abolition of the nobility. And the abandonment of many cruel practices, such as deadly arena fights. I myself, at that time, took a break from mercenary work and again took up simple labor. I even developed my culinary talents. I was tired of the death surrounding me. And perhaps I can call this period of my life the happiest. But I could not sit idle for long. However positive the empress’s reforms seemed to me, they did not please everyone. Some saw them as hasty and reckless, while others did not want to lose their power. This was exploited by her power-hungry brother, Tharius Rheim, who declared himself the rightful heir deprived of the throne. The situation in the Empire grew tense, and I realized it was my turn to repay the debt to the Empire that had so warmly welcomed me.
— To the best of my ability, I supported Sonata’s government. I helped investigate crimes where the guard could not keep up. I cleared the capital’s sewers of the monsters that had bred there, before they could emerge and threaten innocent lives. I gave my all to save the lands that had become my home and improve the lives of the Empire’s inhabitants. Of course, the work was risky, and I again had to come to terms with the unexpected deaths of comrades and loved ones. But it was through this service that I found my best friend, Elrina. A very kind, bright, talented, and strong-willed person. We saved each other from certain death many times. However, on my last mission—at least the last mission I remember—I lost her as well. She did not die, but... simply vanished, as if by the will of the malevolent entity we had encountered. Unfortunately, I do not remember what happened next. After arriving in your world, my memory has been poor. My head feels like it is in a fog. I do not even know how or why I died. I only remember futilely trying to find Elrina. How the conflict in the Empire ended, if it ended at all, I do not know. I am not even sure how much time has passed since my death.
— After that, I ended up here. I am not sure if I have the right to name the person who granted me existence in this world, but I think you know it anyway. After all, that person saved my life. My comrades and I were tasked with heading south and ridding this world of several monsters. At first glance, a noble mission. And on my part, it was only right to repay kindness with kindness. After coming face to face with some of those creatures, I was only confirmed that the goal was a good one. However, the process of the search itself weighed on me. We ended up in Calcite, about which you probably know more than I do. A kingdom where an unlucky enough person can be deemed property. And I understood that I was unable to improve the fate of those people. To save them. As a mere guest, sent for an entirely different purpose, I lacked the necessary funds or influence. It was not that I had never been to places with a similar system in my home world, but the feeling was still oppressive. Especially when Calcite continually tested you. When you found yourself in a difficult situation, it tempted you to compromise your conscience—for example, to track down runaway slaves in exchange for a generous reward.
— I avoided such temptations, but I cannot say I did so without the same faint-heartedness. As a stranger in this world, lacking command experience and unfamiliar with the customs, I did not show the proper resolve. Though perhaps I could have prevented my commander from making certain mistakes. In one situation, we could have intervened, saved a person from a grim fate, but we did not. We decided not to risk the mission, putting it first. And this was, unfortunately, not the only case. Toward the end of the journey, the situation repeated itself when, by fate's will, I happened to travel alone. There was no commander behind whose back I could take shelter. And the worst part was that soon after, I met a person who helped me out of the kindness of their heart. Where I least expected it, and they owed me nothing. It was hard not to feel that I did not deserve such kindness.
— Our expedition was not without other problems, which torment me and my surviving comrades to this day. Early in our journey, we encountered a dangerous sorcerer—one of the monsters. He lured naive travelers into a trap, then forced them to participate in deadly games. All to alleviate his own boredom. And his new entertainment turned out to be our group, each member emerging from the encounter with some life-crippling curse. In my case, the sorcerer stripped me of all my skills. As if by snapping his fingers, I forgot how to properly wield a sword. He also extinguished the flame that had burned in my soul. In an instant, I lost a very important aspect of myself, the importance of which I had not fully realized until that moment. As a warrior accustomed to protecting my comrades with the sword, I felt utterly useless. Dead weight. And the emptiness that replaced the flame felt wrong. I felt completely alien. As if I were not myself. As if I had lost something greater than mere skills. As if I had lost myself. I felt despair. Fear. Only by a miracle did I pull my will together, not wanting to lose to that villain. Besides, my comrades needed my support then too. Of our entire group, I was the only one who had bothered to learn the local language. I could at least help them with that, no matter how helpless I had become compared to my former self.
— During our further travels, I diligently tried to make up for lost ground. I trained hard with the sword. I even stumbled upon knowledge that allowed me to rekindle the flame I thought had been extinguished forever. But this flame was new. Vaguely familiar, yet different. And it was achieved differently. Before, I regarded my abilities as a tool. A convenient tool, but a tool. However, after what I went through... I don’t know. My new flame was achieved through harmony with natural energies. I am not even sure how best to describe it, but the feeling was new. Unfamiliar, yet pleasant. Soothing. It made me look at the world with different eyes. Feel truly at one with it. Even so, despite the progress I had made, it was hard not to look back at what I had lost.
— After three months, by the will of the sea, the mission unexpectedly came to an end. During its course, two of my comrades, in one way or another, lost their lives, while the last monster we were hunting managed to escape. When I was returning, I was tired and frightened, fully convinced that this time I had survived alone. I could not even look at the calmly swaying sea waves without fear, after what I had been through. I felt utterly broken, acting solely in defiance of the adversities that had befallen me. And upon my return... I was released from my debt. I was allowed to live my further life as I saw fit. It seemed a generous gift, for which I am sincerely grateful, but sometimes it is hard not to see it as pity for my current state. Like when a traumatized warrior is sent into retirement with honors. To some extent, it makes me feel even more useless.
— The following month I spent getting to know Margel. Studying local customs, wanting to better understand the place where I would have to live and its inhabitants. I found work, not wanting to sit idle and striving to become a productive member of society. In my free time, I tried to get myself into shape, physically and mentally, engaging in physical training and spending time in meditation, hoping to achieve harmony with myself and this world. Perhaps that is my plan for the future. I want to recover. I want to return to active duty. At least bring my skills to an acceptable level, but ideally hone my mastery. Overcome my inner demons and become a better person, so as not to repeat past mistakes. To become someone who can protect what is dear to them. And also help my comrade with his recovery, to the best of my ability. And then... if the person who gave me a second chance again needs my services for some noble purpose, and I feel that this time I will not disappoint the hopes placed in me, I will answer that call. Otherwise, I will continue my path to healing, while trying to be someone others can rely on in difficult times. Someone who repays kindness with kindness not just in words.
— As for the things that weigh on me, there are many. My past and the deeds I have committed weigh on me. I fear that even after so many years, I have not managed to become a worthy person. The mistakes I have made, which led to tragic consequences for others, weigh on me. The feeling of powerlessness and my own uselessness, the inability to protect those dear to me, which only worsened after the incident with that sorcerer, weighs on me. My own faint-heartedness, which keeps raising its ugly head, weighs on me. And cowardice, which makes even looking at the sea uncomfortable now. Sometimes I feel that no matter how hard I try to become better, I always return to where I started.
— That is my story, Your Eminence. You are probably the first person I have told all this, so forgive me if my account seems somewhat disjointed. It is very difficult to put my emotions into the right form or find the right words for them. I am not usually inclined to share my experiences with anyone so... directly and openly. I hope that even for someone like me, not all is lost. If not, I sincerely thank you for listening.