All these trials didn't make her stronger at all, there was no point in deceiving herself. Those surrounded by Margel's comfort achieved more in that time than she did, struggling through the desert day after day.
Added after 34 seconds
Are you also worried that it might come back?
Небо – угроз не слышит
Небо – ведёт особый счёт
Небо – тебя найдёт