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Like, I'm really fed up. I've stopped understanding myself. Even the fact that I'm here is a contradiction, because I'm supposedly a "lifer," I supposedly have everything okay in real life, I objectively have no reason to be here, but I still come back because I feel some kind of warm feelings towards this place. Which is also a contradiction, because I don't really communicate with anyone personally. I'm a walking contradiction throughout my life.
Well, whatever, I think I've dealt with the main wave of depressive thoughts, everything is fine. Please, believe in yourselves, this is me – a depressed, fat loser with fucked-up health, but most of the people here are either more talented or more attractive than I am. Use that, appreciate what you have.