Небо
- In my opinion, Lord Ambrose rightly noted his great pride, which only grew as he took on the current burden of his region. This man is endowed with intelligence and can be bargained with, but I fear that condescending notes in our response will work against us.
-- I think so too, Lord Yin. We'll save condescension for children and women. I propose the following edits.
"The Knights of Canamia send greetings to Lord Ferlutz
On behalf of all of us, we are glad that you retain a thirst for justice and a noble resolve to stand up for it.
However, the conditions you have put forward for preserving what is eternal and self-evident
cannot but surprise uswe do not consider fully acceptable.
We regret to note that you have doubts that the first point requires reminding.Furthermore,we assure you that a proper investigation will begin shortlyhas already begunand will be conducted until its full success.In light of the multitude of our enemies, we find the second point fair, but we are compelled to strike out the amendment of "no fewer than five" so that our other loyal vassals are not unjustly deprived.
Financial assistance will be directed to you as needed for military expenditures during the conflict; upon its conclusion, we undertake the procedure of restoring the region in financial, administrative, and organizational aspects in full.
Regarding the third point, we must remind you that such proposals, by all law and custom, are appropriate either from equal to equal, or from superior to inferior, but not the reverse. However, we are ready to consider options for dynastic marriages between our knights and yours, in order to strengthen existing ties and create new ones.
Two of our knights have already suffered for Albus. Our commitment to our duties as suzerain, which consist of the fairness of judgment, protection from enemies, and avenging wrongs done to our vassals, is unconditional.
Just as your fulfillment of vassal duties must be unconditional.
In the name of your father's memory and the future of your region, humble your pride.
Better to gain less than desired than to lose what you have.
Understanding the grief that has befallen you and your just thirst for vengeance, we forgive your careless words.
But we also assure you that any form of betrayal will not be forgiven.Just as your fulfillment of vassal duties must be unconditional.
We understand the grief that has befallen you and your just thirst for vengeance.
But in the name of your father's memory and the future of our relations, we urge you to be more prudent.
-- I removed the part about surprise; it creates unnecessary tension from the very start. The first point. I changed the wording. No need to specify that we are already searching for the guilty parties. It looks as if we agree to this just like that, without any counter-demands. The second point works. In the third point, I slightly changed the order and wording. I also added our readiness for dynastic marriages — we have many unmarried knights. I completely struck out the passages about losing what one has and about betrayal; they sound like a threat. And he already knows we won't forgive anything. My lords, your thoughts? - Axel addressed the other knights.
Небо – мольбы не ждёт
Небо – угроз не слышит
Небо – ведёт особый счёт
Небо – тебя найдёт
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