
04.06.1989; Mordovia, Russia
Ivan spent his childhood in the remote countryside of Mordovia. His grandfather taught him to pray, his grandmother taught him to fast, and at the same time, he learned the intricacies of life, such as fishing, stealing apples from other people's gardens, tormenting Colorado beetles, and twisting cows' tails clockwise. Ivan was destined for great things, as he was a Romanov, and on his father's side, he was descended from the Romanov dynasty. At least, that's what his grandfather told him.
At the age of eighteen, he was sent to study in Saransk, but was expelled as a result of a conflict with a history teacher – a vile supporter of Bolshevism who refused to acknowledge Ivan's royal lineage and had the audacity to justify the Red Terror.
Even in his first year, Ivan joined the Saransk role-playing movement. He traveled to festivals and went into battle, smearing paint on his face and drinking a special mushroom tea. He was fierce and agile, and many of the role-players remembered him in the form of broken teeth and dislocated joints.
In 2013, Ivan founded the "Boyar's Squad" club, but a year later, the entire team switched to a new, trendy, and rowdy club called "Drunken Boars." Ivan fell into a deep depression and drank a lot.
In 2019, he accidentally found out that he was not a descendant of the Romanov tsars, but that his great-grandfather was a Bolshevik. Ivan could not live with such shame, and one day, after sharpening his sword, he went into the forest, where he tried to kill himself. He failed, was forcibly rescued by local mushroom pickers, and later, his old friends from the historical reenactment and alcohol tourism scene, having learned about this incident, insidiously persuaded Ivan to go for treatment in Switzerland – they made him swear to go when he was drunk.
e si ieu muoir, er mi grans deliuriers