Fun

User - a person who steps on a rake.
Newbie - a beginning user who has never stepped on a rake and is therefore convinced that rakes do not exist.
Lamer - a user who regularly steps on rakes, but remains convinced that rakes do not exist.
Narrow Specialist - a user who has perfected the art of stepping on the same rake.
Broad Specialist - a user who has more than two lumps on their forehead.
Programmer - one for whom the result is the most important part of stepping on a rake. Tired of stepping on others' rakes, they manufacture their own.
Advanced Programmer - a programmer who steps on any given rake no more than twice.
Copyright - a concept that limits the number of rakes available to be stepped on by the user's financial capabilities.
Gamer - one for whom the process is the most important part of stepping on a rake. Usually incapable of manufacturing their own rakes.
Cheater - a variety of gamer; steps only on rakes with foam pads on the handle and usually no more than once.
Hacker - one who is capable of stepping on a rake even if it is hidden in a shed and locked with a padlock.
Idealist Hacker - a noble fighter for everyone's right to step on an unlimited number of rakes.
Microsoft - a corporation, the world leader in rake production.
Bill Gates - a mythical creature from programmer folklore; an evil spirit - the patron of rakes.
Upgrade - the process of permanently spending money to buy ever-newer rakes, each of which hits harder than the previous one.
Beta Version - a version in which the rakes are visible to the naked eye.
Release - a version in which the rakes are covered with leaves.
Version Compatibility - a principle that allows new rakes to hit exactly on the lump from the previous ones.
Assembler - a programming language that allows one to step on rakes several million times per second.
Local Area Network - a technology that allows you to get hit in the forehead even when someone else steps on the rake.
Internet - a technology that allows you to step on a rake located on the other side of the globe.
Network Conference - a technology that allows everyone to step not only on their own but also on others' rakes.
Russian Encodings - a gift set of rakes for internet users.
User-Friendly Interface - a rubber grip on the rake handle.
Flexible (Customizable) Interface - a grip on the rake handle that can be moved to fit the height of one's forehead.
Graphical Interface - rakes that allow you to adjust the color and intensity of the sparks after the hit to the forehead.
Unreliable System - rakes that hit you even when you don't step on them.
Reliable System - rakes that hit you in the forehead even when your back is turned to them.
Multitasking - a concept that allows stepping on several rakes simultaneously.
Object-Oriented Programming - a method of manufacturing rakes based on the matryoshka principle.
Manual - a book describing various ways of stepping on rakes. Never used by lamers or hackers. Advanced programmers use it after they step on the same rake for the second time.
Technical Support - a service that gives advice on what to do after stepping on a rake. Usually, its first piece of advice is to step on the rake again and compare the sensations.
:D

US software manufacturers have made a stunning discovery. It turns out that the reading speed of Russians is hundreds of thousands of times faster than that of Americans. This became obvious after counting the milliseconds it takes for the average Russian to read the end-user (license) agreement and click "I Agree".
:D

Phrases you wouldn't want to hear while lying on an operating table:
- Something's just not going my way today...
- Has anyone seen my watch?
- And why did I get so wasted yesterday?
- Now, who tore 5 pages out of the manual?!
- Give it back! Bad doggy!
- Aha! Well, I think he already has children...
- Push it! Hockey starts in twenty minutes!
- Nurse! Give me that... what is it... uuh... well this... dammit...
- Okay, colleague. If this is the appendix, then what the hell is this thing?
- Damn it, the power's out again!
- Everyone back!!! My contact lens fell out!
- It's okay, we learn from our mistakes.
:D

So, a student comes to an exam. He places a bottle of champagne in front of the professor...
- Well, satisfactory...
The student takes out a box of chocolates.
- Well, good...
The student takes out a very fancy pen.
- Excellent, - says the professor, - give me your gradebook.
He marks the grade.
The student, saying "I'll go pass physics now," sweeps everything back into his bag...
:D