Dreams.

You watch too many of those clips of yours, and then you start having all sorts of nightmares.

I dreamed that I met a girl named Sarah (guess her nationality. LOOK LOOK, HE GAVE HIMSELF AWAY! SHE'S A MUSICIAN! PROBABLY PLAYS THE VIOLIN!) I met her at a recreation center where I used to vacation with my parents as a child (that's how it "goes" in the dream; irl the center looks different, and now it's probably long abandoned). Sarah was vacationing there with her family. I crossed paths with her while she was playing with a tennis ball with her younger sister (about 10 years old). I was walking by and the ball accidentally hit me. THAT'S HOW WE MET! Sarah and I started talking. She spoke kind of strangely; it seemed like she couldn't pronounce the letter "r". I even mimicked her sometimes, jokingly of course. She didn't mind. For a while, her little sister ran around us, but then she bailed. Sarah asked what my deal was, who I was in life, if I'd messed anything up, one circumcision or a menorah to the eye? (interrogation of a khokhol in a Jewish concentration camp) There was a funny question about salary. When I said how many centimeters hryvnias my salary was (irl I don't work, but in the dream I said what will most likely be irl - 6000 (220 dollars)), Sarah replied that "only 3200 is worse" (115 dollars, like the minimum wage in Ukraine), and I said it at the same time as her, which turned out funny.
Anyway, eventually we reached the seashore. By that time, I had loaded her up with smart words that I still remember. By the way, something was wrong with her head, because she looked down strangely during the conversation and often repeated my phrases and whole sentences aloud. We're chatting, wanting to sit on some pebbles, and suddenly Sarah disappears and a laptop appears! On which I start playing Diablo with the ХВ-ers (Good Lord, it's just enough to make me cry), and Sarah was gone as if she never existed (CURSED ХВ, EVEN RUINS MY DREAMS!) I write in the General chat that I can't start playing, and Arandor writes to go to a thread on ХВ and read how to join their server. That's how it went.

I am among the хв-ers, while
I must find peace
I cannot order ХВ to fall apart
I pay no attention to what Arandor says
There is no dream of the next day here

I listen to atmospheric black metal and go deaf
Drowning in ХВ,
This is my fate
I no longer wish to see
The threads they created for me

The poem isn't mine, it's a reworked excerpt from a song.