Route

Maybe I'm just dumb, but what's the actual problem?

Well, look.
a) Only girls with East Asian features can make my heart beat faster; I won't exaggerate and admit that yes, there are enough pretty and even beautiful Russian girls, but they don't interest me at all, and my blood doesn't start flowing faster.
b) I decided a long time ago that I won't get involved with girls from the CIS countries for many reasons.
c) I objectively understand that I don't really need these relationships. I'm unlikely to be able to get my ideal and fairytale scenario that I've been dreaming of since I was 15-16 (I wrote about it earlier in this or a neighboring topic), and the one that I see, as I already said, doesn't look very promising in the future. There's a 90% chance that it will be a waste of money and time.
d) On the other hand, maybe these possible 10% are exactly what I need...
e) And the main issue, if we forget about my desires, is that I don't have my own place, and part of my money goes towards rent (or I'm staying with relatives).

That's it.