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yeah, well... a symbol of a good day!
Added after 15 hours 38 minutes
There! ADVERTISEMENT!
Added after 44 minutes
AVATARS!!!!!!Of our users!
This information is provided by RomaShSh and is authorized for use within the circles of Pandora's Piggy Bank LLC
:D
Added after 28 minutes
"How much longer must I wait?" - the customer fumes. "I've asked for a beefsteak ten times already."
"To prepare ten beefsteaks," - the waiter replies politely, "it takes time, sir!"
- There was an ugly duckling... and it grew into an ugly duck.
A general ended up in a military hospital and had to stay there for about a week. From the very first day, literally everything began to irritate him: that he wasn't put in a private room but in a general 6-bed ward, that his food was served either cold or completely inedible, that other patients didn't keep quiet at night, and so on. In short, he was thoroughly fed up with everyone.
On the third day of his stay, a nurse enters the room and tells him:
"You need to have your rectal temperature measured, General."
Grumbling, the general still gets down on all fours, backside up, so that the nurse can insert the thermometer. She inserts it and says:
"Please do not move, I will be back in 5 minutes."
And she leaves. An hour later, a different nurse enters the room and sees the general in such a piquant pose. She asks in surprise:
"What is going on here?"
The general grumbles:
"Have you never seen someone's temperature being taken?"
"Of course I have, General, but that is done with a rectal thermometer, not a daisy."
During World War II, a pregnant woman was hit in the stomach by 2 bullets. She went to the doctor and asked what was going on; the doctor told her that everything seemed fine, but strange situations were possible. 8 years passed, and the woman had children (a boy and a girl).
Once, the girl runs up to her mother and says:
"Mom, mom! Imagine, I was peeing and a bullet came out!"
Mother:
"It's okay, it happens."
The next day, the son screams:
"Mom, mom! Something just happened!"
Mother:
"What, were you peeing and a bullet came out?"
Son:
"No! I was jerk#ng off and killed grandma!"
A cow comes back to the herd, looking all pleased, eyes sparkling...
The bull asks her:
"Cow, why are you so happy?"
The cow, shyly lowering her eyes:
"Because of a camel..."
Added after 2 minutes
Ivan Tsarevich caught a frog, and it says to him in a human voice:
"Kiss me, Vanya, and I shall become a fair maiden and your faithful wife..."
And Ivan Tsarevich answers her:
"No way! A talking frog is cooler!"
Added after 34 seconds
The director calls the head of HR. He asks:
"Well, how is the staff working?"
"Everything is fine, Ivan Ivanovich, everyone is working great, there are no complaints about anyone."
"Alright then, bring me the personal files of all employees."
The manager rushes off and brings them. The director randomly picks ten files from the middle of the stack.
"Fire these people!!!"
"But why, Ivan Ivanovich???"
"I don't like losers..."
Added after 1 minute
Berezovsky emigrates to Israel; the Prosecutor General says to him:
"Boris Abramovich, would you like to sit for a bit before your journey?"
Added after 43 seconds
On a dark night, Mowgli met Shere Khan. He was waving a torch in front of him and shouting:
"Get out of the way, zebra! I can't see sh#t!"
- Why isn't Formula 1 held in Russia?
- Because in 5 seconds, the tires would not only be removed but sold.
Added after 38 seconds
An eagle is flying and feels something hindering him from behind, making it hard to fly. He turns around and sees a sparrow clinging to his tail. Eagle:
"What are you doing here?"
"What's it to you? Just keep your eyes on the road!"
Added after 1 minute
Two friends are walking. One says to the other:
"Look, my Tamagotchi is pregnant."
"How's that possible?"
"Right here it says 'I am pregnant'."
"You idiot, that's a pager."
Added after 1 minute
- Doctor, everyone is surprised by me!
- Wow! Who has come to visit us!
An American, an Indian, and a Russian ended up in Hell. The Devil met them and said:
"I give everyone who ends up here a chance to move to Heaven."
And he pulls out a massive whip:
"Whoever can withstand three strikes without screaming - I'll let them go! You may defend yourselves with whatever you want."
The American went first.
"What do you want to use for defense?"
The American took a huge granite stone:
"I'm ready!"
The Devil swung the first time and... the stone shattered. The second time - and the American screamed like a madman...
"Next," says the Devil.
The Indian comes out.
"What will you use for defense?"
"Nothing!" - the Indian answers, "I have practiced yoga for 80 years, and in meditation, the body feels no pain!"
"Alright."
First strike. Indian: "Ommm..."
Second strike. Indian: "Ommm..."
Third strike. Indian: "Ommm..."
"Holy sh#t... No one has ever withstood three strikes," says the Devil. "Well then, you are free, you may peacefully go to Heaven."
"No," says the Indian, "I want to stay and watch. In all the jokes, Russians win. I want to see how he manages it this time."
"Alright, stay. Well, what do you plan to use for defense?" - the Devil asks the Russian.
"What-what? The Indian, of course!"
Added after 2 minutes
A UN special commission decided to ban cloning experiments in China. Just in case...
A man caught a golden fish. She promised to grant any one wish.
"Make me a mug of beer."
She did. The man grabs the fish by the tail and starts slamming it against a rock:
"Now that's a fine dried fish, well done."
Added after 1 minute
"After the first and second, a small break" - Hitler said in a Munich beer hall.
And so began World War II...
Added after 17 minutes
Added after 15 hours 38 minutes
There! ADVERTISEMENT!
Added after 44 minutes
AVATARS!!!!!!Of our users!
This information is provided by RomaShSh and is authorized for use within the circles of Pandora's Piggy Bank LLC
:D
Added after 28 minutes
"How much longer must I wait?" - the customer fumes. "I've asked for a beefsteak ten times already."
"To prepare ten beefsteaks," - the waiter replies politely, "it takes time, sir!"
- There was an ugly duckling... and it grew into an ugly duck.
A general ended up in a military hospital and had to stay there for about a week. From the very first day, literally everything began to irritate him: that he wasn't put in a private room but in a general 6-bed ward, that his food was served either cold or completely inedible, that other patients didn't keep quiet at night, and so on. In short, he was thoroughly fed up with everyone.
On the third day of his stay, a nurse enters the room and tells him:
"You need to have your rectal temperature measured, General."
Grumbling, the general still gets down on all fours, backside up, so that the nurse can insert the thermometer. She inserts it and says:
"Please do not move, I will be back in 5 minutes."
And she leaves. An hour later, a different nurse enters the room and sees the general in such a piquant pose. She asks in surprise:
"What is going on here?"
The general grumbles:
"Have you never seen someone's temperature being taken?"
"Of course I have, General, but that is done with a rectal thermometer, not a daisy."
During World War II, a pregnant woman was hit in the stomach by 2 bullets. She went to the doctor and asked what was going on; the doctor told her that everything seemed fine, but strange situations were possible. 8 years passed, and the woman had children (a boy and a girl).
Once, the girl runs up to her mother and says:
"Mom, mom! Imagine, I was peeing and a bullet came out!"
Mother:
"It's okay, it happens."
The next day, the son screams:
"Mom, mom! Something just happened!"
Mother:
"What, were you peeing and a bullet came out?"
Son:
"No! I was jerk#ng off and killed grandma!"
A cow comes back to the herd, looking all pleased, eyes sparkling...
The bull asks her:
"Cow, why are you so happy?"
The cow, shyly lowering her eyes:
"Because of a camel..."
Added after 2 minutes
Ivan Tsarevich caught a frog, and it says to him in a human voice:
"Kiss me, Vanya, and I shall become a fair maiden and your faithful wife..."
And Ivan Tsarevich answers her:
"No way! A talking frog is cooler!"
Added after 34 seconds
The director calls the head of HR. He asks:
"Well, how is the staff working?"
"Everything is fine, Ivan Ivanovich, everyone is working great, there are no complaints about anyone."
"Alright then, bring me the personal files of all employees."
The manager rushes off and brings them. The director randomly picks ten files from the middle of the stack.
"Fire these people!!!"
"But why, Ivan Ivanovich???"
"I don't like losers..."
Added after 1 minute
Berezovsky emigrates to Israel; the Prosecutor General says to him:
"Boris Abramovich, would you like to sit for a bit before your journey?"
Added after 43 seconds
On a dark night, Mowgli met Shere Khan. He was waving a torch in front of him and shouting:
"Get out of the way, zebra! I can't see sh#t!"
- Why isn't Formula 1 held in Russia?
- Because in 5 seconds, the tires would not only be removed but sold.
Added after 38 seconds
An eagle is flying and feels something hindering him from behind, making it hard to fly. He turns around and sees a sparrow clinging to his tail. Eagle:
"What are you doing here?"
"What's it to you? Just keep your eyes on the road!"
Added after 1 minute
Two friends are walking. One says to the other:
"Look, my Tamagotchi is pregnant."
"How's that possible?"
"Right here it says 'I am pregnant'."
"You idiot, that's a pager."
Added after 1 minute
- Doctor, everyone is surprised by me!
- Wow! Who has come to visit us!
An American, an Indian, and a Russian ended up in Hell. The Devil met them and said:
"I give everyone who ends up here a chance to move to Heaven."
And he pulls out a massive whip:
"Whoever can withstand three strikes without screaming - I'll let them go! You may defend yourselves with whatever you want."
The American went first.
"What do you want to use for defense?"
The American took a huge granite stone:
"I'm ready!"
The Devil swung the first time and... the stone shattered. The second time - and the American screamed like a madman...
"Next," says the Devil.
The Indian comes out.
"What will you use for defense?"
"Nothing!" - the Indian answers, "I have practiced yoga for 80 years, and in meditation, the body feels no pain!"
"Alright."
First strike. Indian: "Ommm..."
Second strike. Indian: "Ommm..."
Third strike. Indian: "Ommm..."
"Holy sh#t... No one has ever withstood three strikes," says the Devil. "Well then, you are free, you may peacefully go to Heaven."
"No," says the Indian, "I want to stay and watch. In all the jokes, Russians win. I want to see how he manages it this time."
"Alright, stay. Well, what do you plan to use for defense?" - the Devil asks the Russian.
"What-what? The Indian, of course!"
Added after 2 minutes
A UN special commission decided to ban cloning experiments in China. Just in case...
A man caught a golden fish. She promised to grant any one wish.
"Make me a mug of beer."
She did. The man grabs the fish by the tail and starts slamming it against a rock:
"Now that's a fine dried fish, well done."
Added after 1 minute
"After the first and second, a small break" - Hitler said in a Munich beer hall.
And so began World War II...
Added after 17 minutes
††RomaShSh††[/FONT][/SIZE]
:cool: :cool: :cool: :) :) :)
:cool: :cool: :cool: :) :) :)
