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I dug up this kind of fairy tale from the newspaper "Forward, Voronezh" - pre-election nonsense that was being distributed on TV. Here is the fairy tale, although only a fragment. You won't recognize the characters, but take a look, maybe you're familiar with it?:)
A Tale of Deputy Treachery, Tsarist Power, and Other Troubles.
The deputies were drinking by the window one evening.
“If I were a candidate,” said the senior deputy, “
I would insure everyone, grandmothers and grandchildren alike.”
“But if I became a tsar,” he continued, “I would drink with my friends until dawn,
I would throw such a grand feast that everyone would die of envy.”
“If I were a candidate,” said the second deputy, “
I would put up posters everywhere saying that you are the main embezzler.”
“But if I became a priest-tsar on a Sunday,”
“I would build myself a palace and live in it with my family.”
“And if I were a candidate,” said the third female deputy, “
I would poison everyone with shit, night and day.”
“And after I had indulged myself, I would withdraw from the elections,
And take a ‘million’ euros, so I wouldn’t have to steal anymore.”
She had barely finished speaking when the door creaked open quietly,
And a mustachioed tsar entered – a ruler from another realm.
“How am I supposed to understand this, gentlemen, what the hell!”
“It seems you have quietly decided to remove me.”
“This is not about stealing money! To remove an honest ruler,
No treasury would be enough to make me disappear.”
“Someone started a rumor that I am weak.”
“During the time I’ve been on the throne, I’ve embezzled half the budget.”
“Come on, let’s go to the palace – I’ll show you a chest.”
“It contains a treasury so large that it’s simply incredible.”
“I’ll hire PR people, those who can intelligently
Prove to the people that you should be in jail.”
“And in general, you are insignificant, you are just a nuisance.”
“When the campaign starts, Suvorov will be nothing compared to me.”
“I don’t have the strength to take back Ismail,”
“But I could defeat you without a siege, even before.”
“I declare to you firmly: I will not give up my position as tsar.”
“And if someone really wants to, I’ll sell it.”
The deputies by the window began to murmur among themselves:
“How much will this cost? Maybe it’s better to go for it directly?”
“Maybe we should launch an attack, sweeping everything away,”
“If they set the price so high that we can’t find the money.”
The senior deputy said: “I’m not an enemy.
My brother-in-law will help me, he’s a big money man.”
“He’ll give me the money to insure everyone.”
“He can also buy the kingdom – he’s been stealing for ages.”
“I would also like to buy it,” said the second deputy, “
But I don’t know who will help me – maybe my uncle’s brother.”
“If I can’t do it myself, I’ll declare war on the tsar –
I’ll release so much compromising material that he’ll go down in a flash.”
“Be quiet, you little ones! Am I not Baba Yaga?”
“Everything you said is absolute nonsense.”
“I don’t need a machine gun. For years, I’ve been collecting compromising material
On everyone, indiscriminately and all at once.”
“If you pay, I can give up some of it,
But don’t you dare, pay in hard currency and pay upfront.”
“But in general, we were worried about the tsar for nothing.”
“I feel like there will be a ‘revolution’ at the end of February.”
“And he has already realized it, that’s why he came to us.”
“And about selling the kingdom – he’s clearly exaggerating.”
“Who would want to eat power that is about to fall?”
“The people will push him out of office in March.”
“So, it’s not worth negotiating with him, guys!”
“We’ll remove the tsar from the throne together, without any fuss.”
“Well, let’s see who wins! Three against one!”
The tsar exclaimed, “It seems you haven’t seen my temper.”
“I won’t just attack – I’ll crush and swallow you!”
“A mustachioed hussar is no match for me.”
“Let’s ask the people who their friend is and who is the enemy.”
“Who am I? Am I the father of the people or the devil Asmodeus?”
“Come to my office tomorrow for lunch.”
“We’ll listen to the people there – do they love me or not?”
“Or like this: there’s the ‘Don’ hotel. There’s Gvidon with his retinue.”
“He has traveled the whole world back and forth.”
“Let them, as a third person, openly tell us.”
“Is it good abroad or bad, and what is it like here.”
Part II
The next day arrived. The guests, leaning on their canes,
Arrived at the office. The tsar invites them to lunch
And begins to speak, expecting flattery in response.
“Oh, you guests, gentlemen! How long have you been traveling, where?”
“Is it good abroad or bad, and what is the wonder in the world?”
The guests replied joyfully: “We have traveled the whole world,
But there is no greater wonder in the world than your city.”
“Earlier, the city was large, flourishing, and inhabited,
But now either a goblin wanders around, or a house spirit fights.”
“There is trouble in your city; water pours from the tap
Only during the day, according to a schedule, but at night – never.”
“If you want to make lunch, there is no water at all.”
“So you have to eat dry food and send greetings to the tsar.”
“If you need to wash yourself, you can’t do that either –
The tap is empty, and you immediately want to slap the tsar’s face.”
“The frost struck the city again – tears fill the eyes again,
It’s like in Antarctica in the apartment, and there is a threat of tuberculosis.”
“If you go outside, you can’t cross the street:
Everyone drives wherever they want, and you can easily die.”
“But if they don’t kill you, but run you over and knock you down,
Then in the hospital, all desire to get treatment will be gone.”
“Pay a ‘thousand’ to the doctor, don’t ask about leaving,
And bring your own medicine from the pharmacy.”
“And if you suddenly need to get a document,
Then you are a welcome element in the tsar’s Administration.”
“Don’t enter without an envelope, come back ten more times
And you don’t know whether you’ll get it or not.”
“You can’t drive or walk – there are traffic jams everywhere.”
“Who is responsible for the city – you can’t find the streetlights.”
“Rats roam in the yards, dogs are afraid of them,”
“And in the evening, you make your way through the ditches in the dark.”
“Everyone builds where they can, and even though the authorities say repeatedly:
‘We will not allow illegal construction’ – it’s just nonsense.”
“The old man built a toilet – they will demolish it and say hello to everyone,
But there is no control over those who build castles.”
“And if, by chance, the winter is severe, the houses
Will be inaccessible: either a blockade, or a fortress.”
“Either snowdrifts, or ice, or water leaks from the roof,
But the tsar, on the screen, keeps talking about the difficulties.”
“Who dared to interfere with you in solving these difficulties?”
“If you are a tsar, then be kind and don’t upset the honest people.”
“Don’t tell them fairy tales, but work day and night.”
“During the day, if you can’t, then work at night, even if you die.”
The tsar-father is surprised by the miracle. He says: “If I live,
I will visit my city, I will find the shortcomings.”
“I will eliminate them here and there – in March, the elections are coming –
I am sure that the citizens will give me their vote.”
“So, guests, gentlemen, come to us then,
I don’t know, but will water flow from the tap?”
“Of course, I would like it to flow all night long,
But it is a miracle that the Almighty must help me with.”
Prince Gvidon is surprised by the miracle: “I will not argue with you, tsar.”
“There will be a miracle of miracles, so that you get on the throne in March.”
“And I will tell them abroad: they would have kicked you out long ago,
But you have something different – you live as if in a movie.”
“And therefore, my friend, I am leaving for home.”
“I will call you in March – will you be tsar or not?”
“You, tsar, forgive us, don’t judge and don’t be offended.”
“But I will whisper in friendship: it’s better to change your position.”
A Tale of Deputy Treachery, Tsarist Power, and Other Troubles.
The deputies were drinking by the window one evening.
“If I were a candidate,” said the senior deputy, “
I would insure everyone, grandmothers and grandchildren alike.”
“But if I became a tsar,” he continued, “I would drink with my friends until dawn,
I would throw such a grand feast that everyone would die of envy.”
“If I were a candidate,” said the second deputy, “
I would put up posters everywhere saying that you are the main embezzler.”
“But if I became a priest-tsar on a Sunday,”
“I would build myself a palace and live in it with my family.”
“And if I were a candidate,” said the third female deputy, “
I would poison everyone with shit, night and day.”
“And after I had indulged myself, I would withdraw from the elections,
And take a ‘million’ euros, so I wouldn’t have to steal anymore.”
She had barely finished speaking when the door creaked open quietly,
And a mustachioed tsar entered – a ruler from another realm.
“How am I supposed to understand this, gentlemen, what the hell!”
“It seems you have quietly decided to remove me.”
“This is not about stealing money! To remove an honest ruler,
No treasury would be enough to make me disappear.”
“Someone started a rumor that I am weak.”
“During the time I’ve been on the throne, I’ve embezzled half the budget.”
“Come on, let’s go to the palace – I’ll show you a chest.”
“It contains a treasury so large that it’s simply incredible.”
“I’ll hire PR people, those who can intelligently
Prove to the people that you should be in jail.”
“And in general, you are insignificant, you are just a nuisance.”
“When the campaign starts, Suvorov will be nothing compared to me.”
“I don’t have the strength to take back Ismail,”
“But I could defeat you without a siege, even before.”
“I declare to you firmly: I will not give up my position as tsar.”
“And if someone really wants to, I’ll sell it.”
The deputies by the window began to murmur among themselves:
“How much will this cost? Maybe it’s better to go for it directly?”
“Maybe we should launch an attack, sweeping everything away,”
“If they set the price so high that we can’t find the money.”
The senior deputy said: “I’m not an enemy.
My brother-in-law will help me, he’s a big money man.”
“He’ll give me the money to insure everyone.”
“He can also buy the kingdom – he’s been stealing for ages.”
“I would also like to buy it,” said the second deputy, “
But I don’t know who will help me – maybe my uncle’s brother.”
“If I can’t do it myself, I’ll declare war on the tsar –
I’ll release so much compromising material that he’ll go down in a flash.”
“Be quiet, you little ones! Am I not Baba Yaga?”
“Everything you said is absolute nonsense.”
“I don’t need a machine gun. For years, I’ve been collecting compromising material
On everyone, indiscriminately and all at once.”
“If you pay, I can give up some of it,
But don’t you dare, pay in hard currency and pay upfront.”
“But in general, we were worried about the tsar for nothing.”
“I feel like there will be a ‘revolution’ at the end of February.”
“And he has already realized it, that’s why he came to us.”
“And about selling the kingdom – he’s clearly exaggerating.”
“Who would want to eat power that is about to fall?”
“The people will push him out of office in March.”
“So, it’s not worth negotiating with him, guys!”
“We’ll remove the tsar from the throne together, without any fuss.”
“Well, let’s see who wins! Three against one!”
The tsar exclaimed, “It seems you haven’t seen my temper.”
“I won’t just attack – I’ll crush and swallow you!”
“A mustachioed hussar is no match for me.”
“Let’s ask the people who their friend is and who is the enemy.”
“Who am I? Am I the father of the people or the devil Asmodeus?”
“Come to my office tomorrow for lunch.”
“We’ll listen to the people there – do they love me or not?”
“Or like this: there’s the ‘Don’ hotel. There’s Gvidon with his retinue.”
“He has traveled the whole world back and forth.”
“Let them, as a third person, openly tell us.”
“Is it good abroad or bad, and what is it like here.”
Part II
The next day arrived. The guests, leaning on their canes,
Arrived at the office. The tsar invites them to lunch
And begins to speak, expecting flattery in response.
“Oh, you guests, gentlemen! How long have you been traveling, where?”
“Is it good abroad or bad, and what is the wonder in the world?”
The guests replied joyfully: “We have traveled the whole world,
But there is no greater wonder in the world than your city.”
“Earlier, the city was large, flourishing, and inhabited,
But now either a goblin wanders around, or a house spirit fights.”
“There is trouble in your city; water pours from the tap
Only during the day, according to a schedule, but at night – never.”
“If you want to make lunch, there is no water at all.”
“So you have to eat dry food and send greetings to the tsar.”
“If you need to wash yourself, you can’t do that either –
The tap is empty, and you immediately want to slap the tsar’s face.”
“The frost struck the city again – tears fill the eyes again,
It’s like in Antarctica in the apartment, and there is a threat of tuberculosis.”
“If you go outside, you can’t cross the street:
Everyone drives wherever they want, and you can easily die.”
“But if they don’t kill you, but run you over and knock you down,
Then in the hospital, all desire to get treatment will be gone.”
“Pay a ‘thousand’ to the doctor, don’t ask about leaving,
And bring your own medicine from the pharmacy.”
“And if you suddenly need to get a document,
Then you are a welcome element in the tsar’s Administration.”
“Don’t enter without an envelope, come back ten more times
And you don’t know whether you’ll get it or not.”
“You can’t drive or walk – there are traffic jams everywhere.”
“Who is responsible for the city – you can’t find the streetlights.”
“Rats roam in the yards, dogs are afraid of them,”
“And in the evening, you make your way through the ditches in the dark.”
“Everyone builds where they can, and even though the authorities say repeatedly:
‘We will not allow illegal construction’ – it’s just nonsense.”
“The old man built a toilet – they will demolish it and say hello to everyone,
But there is no control over those who build castles.”
“And if, by chance, the winter is severe, the houses
Will be inaccessible: either a blockade, or a fortress.”
“Either snowdrifts, or ice, or water leaks from the roof,
But the tsar, on the screen, keeps talking about the difficulties.”
“Who dared to interfere with you in solving these difficulties?”
“If you are a tsar, then be kind and don’t upset the honest people.”
“Don’t tell them fairy tales, but work day and night.”
“During the day, if you can’t, then work at night, even if you die.”
The tsar-father is surprised by the miracle. He says: “If I live,
I will visit my city, I will find the shortcomings.”
“I will eliminate them here and there – in March, the elections are coming –
I am sure that the citizens will give me their vote.”
“So, guests, gentlemen, come to us then,
I don’t know, but will water flow from the tap?”
“Of course, I would like it to flow all night long,
But it is a miracle that the Almighty must help me with.”
Prince Gvidon is surprised by the miracle: “I will not argue with you, tsar.”
“There will be a miracle of miracles, so that you get on the throne in March.”
“And I will tell them abroad: they would have kicked you out long ago,
But you have something different – you live as if in a movie.”
“And therefore, my friend, I am leaving for home.”
“I will call you in March – will you be tsar or not?”
“You, tsar, forgive us, don’t judge and don’t be offended.”
“But I will whisper in friendship: it’s better to change your position.”
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